So some shit has been on my mind lately. Just crap about life and where Im going in it.
For a second in my life, I can feel pretty happy and I get the feeling that I have succeeded. It only lasts a few nights and then my reality sinks in. Im not at all complaining about what Ive done or where I have been. Ive done a lot for being 27. I did a lot 4 years ago when I was 23. Turning 24 in a combat zone was pretty fun for a few days until I was brought back to reality.
Im sure people have felt like they have lost their souls or lost the way in life. I have fought through my depression many years ago. But maybe it still lingers ? I randomly have this feeling to spill this out on 'paper' ... so if you choose to, continue on.
The few years I was in another country doing the dirty things people criticize me for, I had quite a bit of great times, but I lost a few things that were very important to me.
1.... My best friend. A friend for almost 14 years became my brother when we ended up being in the same platoon after being apart for a couple years. Pure coincidence. It was pretty funny. I picked up the pieces of him on Dec 6, 2006 in the filthy streets of Ramadi, Iraq. I wish that coincidence never happened.
2.... After seeing so many peoples' pain and suffering, both ours and theirs, war has affected how I think and how I live my life. I have lost so much emotion and have became "numb" to life. Hate, Love, Sorrow, Regret .... it seems like it has been all just rolled into one feeling. Imagine not knowing the difference between them. Just feeling something like all of them at once.
3.... Being away from home and knowing what it is like to feel like you belong somewhere. Maybe this is what the Military is all about. Just bouncing through life 3 years at a time. 3 years at a time seems ok at times, if you dont like it, just finish your time and go somewhere else. A different country, doing different things. I think Ive left my soul .... or my 'life' back in Iraq. I wanna go get it back. I wanna go bleed for the feeling again.
Is the sense of going somewhere to fight for what you think you left there unreasonable ? I wish things ended up differently. I wish for a lot of things, not many of them come true. But the things I have now, Life ... Living in California ... With PaJami ... Having a good job ...
I guess I havent done too bad for the way I feel. No one really sees these things about me. Its too hard to try and 'talk' about. Just bleh. Everyone does so much in there lives ... I think we dont appreciate the things other people have done. Im trying to see 'life' through normal eyes i suppose.
-remarks complete.
For a second in my life, I can feel pretty happy and I get the feeling that I have succeeded. It only lasts a few nights and then my reality sinks in. Im not at all complaining about what Ive done or where I have been. Ive done a lot for being 27. I did a lot 4 years ago when I was 23. Turning 24 in a combat zone was pretty fun for a few days until I was brought back to reality.
Im sure people have felt like they have lost their souls or lost the way in life. I have fought through my depression many years ago. But maybe it still lingers ? I randomly have this feeling to spill this out on 'paper' ... so if you choose to, continue on.
The few years I was in another country doing the dirty things people criticize me for, I had quite a bit of great times, but I lost a few things that were very important to me.
1.... My best friend. A friend for almost 14 years became my brother when we ended up being in the same platoon after being apart for a couple years. Pure coincidence. It was pretty funny. I picked up the pieces of him on Dec 6, 2006 in the filthy streets of Ramadi, Iraq. I wish that coincidence never happened.
2.... After seeing so many peoples' pain and suffering, both ours and theirs, war has affected how I think and how I live my life. I have lost so much emotion and have became "numb" to life. Hate, Love, Sorrow, Regret .... it seems like it has been all just rolled into one feeling. Imagine not knowing the difference between them. Just feeling something like all of them at once.
3.... Being away from home and knowing what it is like to feel like you belong somewhere. Maybe this is what the Military is all about. Just bouncing through life 3 years at a time. 3 years at a time seems ok at times, if you dont like it, just finish your time and go somewhere else. A different country, doing different things. I think Ive left my soul .... or my 'life' back in Iraq. I wanna go get it back. I wanna go bleed for the feeling again.
Is the sense of going somewhere to fight for what you think you left there unreasonable ? I wish things ended up differently. I wish for a lot of things, not many of them come true. But the things I have now, Life ... Living in California ... With PaJami ... Having a good job ...
I guess I havent done too bad for the way I feel. No one really sees these things about me. Its too hard to try and 'talk' about. Just bleh. Everyone does so much in there lives ... I think we dont appreciate the things other people have done. Im trying to see 'life' through normal eyes i suppose.
-remarks complete.
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I also know guys process things different from girls, so maybe everything i've just said makes no sense. =| It is good to maintain focus on the things in your life that are good and make it worth living.