love. oppression. depression. what the fuck goes through my mind? i dont even know how to feel. i feel empty and alone. my life has consisted of being shut out and left alone. i like to deal with other's problems. never mine. i dont feel like i need to worry about mine because i care too much about everyone else's. it makes mine go away and i dont feel so bad about mine. love has abandoned my life and i just dont feel it anymore. it would make me so happy to feel something again. but i just dont think i am meant to have it. i believe i work out better without it. to help the others that struggle through it.
my mind is oppressed everyday and i cant say what i really believe. i dont want to offend others and start yet another hate. i keep what i feel on pieces of paper and write it down to keep to myself. well, i have decided to not write anymore. i feel its useless and if i want to say something, im just gonna say it. i dont really care anymore if its going to piss other's off. time for you to feel a little bit of hate. trust me, i have enough to hand out for lifetimes. feel what i go through everyday. one day at a time, my hate grows and urges me to share it with others. well now im going to. im stopping the caring. i care only about one thing .... and as ironic as it is that im pulling myself away from her heart, im sorry. i realize it might not be for her well-being. it might seem selfish.
the one care in my life. i have to pull away to make it easier for her while im away.
i have been through and realize i am a depressing piece of shit. i can admit it. i have been wondering how long it would take for my shitty thoughts to come back and haunt me. as emo as you think i might be, i have never felt so much love in my life and i completely fell off my feet with her. the mask of loove has blinded my life from me and now i am seeing what i am again. like i said earlier, i write all my feelings down and share them with ones who care. i have tons of spirals of crap that goes through me. im not writing anymore. just going to let it build and consume me. i dont know what made me decide this yesterday. i thought maybe sleeping would end it. well it didnt. so this might be my last "journal" entry. i just dont feel like sharing how i feel anymore.
Melissa, i do truly love you, it hurts me so bad to see you sad and miss me so. if i drive you far enough away from me, my depression wont get to you. i know what its like. people like us dont need more than we already let control us. please dont miss me. please dont love me. i beg for you to cut me off and not to think about me. im so sorry i have let this happen. i dont deserve to have someone as wonderful as you in my life. i cant handle the misery of me being here and seeing you go through what you do.
-Piece of Shit.
my mind is oppressed everyday and i cant say what i really believe. i dont want to offend others and start yet another hate. i keep what i feel on pieces of paper and write it down to keep to myself. well, i have decided to not write anymore. i feel its useless and if i want to say something, im just gonna say it. i dont really care anymore if its going to piss other's off. time for you to feel a little bit of hate. trust me, i have enough to hand out for lifetimes. feel what i go through everyday. one day at a time, my hate grows and urges me to share it with others. well now im going to. im stopping the caring. i care only about one thing .... and as ironic as it is that im pulling myself away from her heart, im sorry. i realize it might not be for her well-being. it might seem selfish.
the one care in my life. i have to pull away to make it easier for her while im away.
i have been through and realize i am a depressing piece of shit. i can admit it. i have been wondering how long it would take for my shitty thoughts to come back and haunt me. as emo as you think i might be, i have never felt so much love in my life and i completely fell off my feet with her. the mask of loove has blinded my life from me and now i am seeing what i am again. like i said earlier, i write all my feelings down and share them with ones who care. i have tons of spirals of crap that goes through me. im not writing anymore. just going to let it build and consume me. i dont know what made me decide this yesterday. i thought maybe sleeping would end it. well it didnt. so this might be my last "journal" entry. i just dont feel like sharing how i feel anymore.
Melissa, i do truly love you, it hurts me so bad to see you sad and miss me so. if i drive you far enough away from me, my depression wont get to you. i know what its like. people like us dont need more than we already let control us. please dont miss me. please dont love me. i beg for you to cut me off and not to think about me. im so sorry i have let this happen. i dont deserve to have someone as wonderful as you in my life. i cant handle the misery of me being here and seeing you go through what you do.
-Piece of Shit.
i'm not really good at these types of things..
this entry has filled me with sadness though.
but i think you should keep writing, don't let your thoughts consume you. even if its just in your spiral notebooks and not shared with the world.
when i get sad i think of these lyrics from a yellow card song:
"Everything is gonna be alright. Be strong, believe."
i wont stop loving you baby. no matter how much you pull away from me or push me away.
I love you!