Right, bit of a dilema.
Basically, through the wonder that is facebook, my friend Suz has become 'friends' with my ex, Mads, on this site. They knew each other before so that's not too bad. My ex is a lovely lady and I'm happy for my friends to be in contact with her. The problem now becomes, how much do I want to know about how she's doing.
Little background first.
Mads and I spent 4 very wonderful years going out, split up about 8 months ago. Basically, haven't had any contact, bar 1 e-mail, 2 texts and a birthday card. One chance meeting, that lasted 5 minutes, left me shaking for the day, and her in tears. Not because nasty things were said, just because it was so painful. We only split as she wasn't sure I was the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with, although it was going brilliantly at the time. Came to a head because we were thinking of moving in together, and she wasn't sure if she could go into that thinking that a few years down the line she might want out. She's about 5 years younger than me, and whereas I was ready to settle down, she still wanted to go off and explore.
Point being, love of my life, ended, not badly, with very strong feelings left. How I managed not to drunkenly phone or message her once is beyond me. I think, even in those states, I realise how much it meant and how bad I could make myself feel, and also out of respect for her.
So, back to the original point of this outpouring. My friends are now starting to get in touch with her again, and asking if I want to know how she's doing. Of course I do, but only on my terms. I only want to know if the situation is, she's still single and that she still thinks about me. This is, of course, ridiculous. There's no way of finding out what I want to hear without risking exposing myself to hearing exactly what I don't want to, very much a catch 22 situation.
I don't want to sound obsessed, I'm really not. I realise I can't think of a day I haven't thought of her, but not in a 'I can ever imagine finding someone like her' way, more in the fact I'll see, or hear something and it'll remind me of her. So while she's still on my mind, I've got many other things to occupy myself with.
Do I risk finding out? What will I accomplish? Even if I hear exactly what I want, will it be anything more than a ego massage? And if it's what I don't want to hear? Even seeing her profile pic last night made me feel quite odd, and upset, and awoke feelings again. Too risky? Am I just being stupid for even considering this? Is this blog too long?
Just when it all seemed to be getting much easier....
On a positive note, I sensibly cancelled my PS3 order, so I'm about 500 richer than I would have been, I've got 7 full days of holiday I can take, and my contract has been renewed till the end of october and I got a pay rise
Oh, and the clocks go back (or forward) this weekend, so more sun in the evenings, yay!
Oh, and the answer to last week's quiz was.............................Fight Club!
This week:'Last night, Darth Vader came down from planet Vulcan and told me that if I didn't take Lorraine out that he'd melt my brain.'
Love to all, stay well
D x
Basically, through the wonder that is facebook, my friend Suz has become 'friends' with my ex, Mads, on this site. They knew each other before so that's not too bad. My ex is a lovely lady and I'm happy for my friends to be in contact with her. The problem now becomes, how much do I want to know about how she's doing.
Little background first.
Mads and I spent 4 very wonderful years going out, split up about 8 months ago. Basically, haven't had any contact, bar 1 e-mail, 2 texts and a birthday card. One chance meeting, that lasted 5 minutes, left me shaking for the day, and her in tears. Not because nasty things were said, just because it was so painful. We only split as she wasn't sure I was the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with, although it was going brilliantly at the time. Came to a head because we were thinking of moving in together, and she wasn't sure if she could go into that thinking that a few years down the line she might want out. She's about 5 years younger than me, and whereas I was ready to settle down, she still wanted to go off and explore.
Point being, love of my life, ended, not badly, with very strong feelings left. How I managed not to drunkenly phone or message her once is beyond me. I think, even in those states, I realise how much it meant and how bad I could make myself feel, and also out of respect for her.
So, back to the original point of this outpouring. My friends are now starting to get in touch with her again, and asking if I want to know how she's doing. Of course I do, but only on my terms. I only want to know if the situation is, she's still single and that she still thinks about me. This is, of course, ridiculous. There's no way of finding out what I want to hear without risking exposing myself to hearing exactly what I don't want to, very much a catch 22 situation.
I don't want to sound obsessed, I'm really not. I realise I can't think of a day I haven't thought of her, but not in a 'I can ever imagine finding someone like her' way, more in the fact I'll see, or hear something and it'll remind me of her. So while she's still on my mind, I've got many other things to occupy myself with.
Do I risk finding out? What will I accomplish? Even if I hear exactly what I want, will it be anything more than a ego massage? And if it's what I don't want to hear? Even seeing her profile pic last night made me feel quite odd, and upset, and awoke feelings again. Too risky? Am I just being stupid for even considering this? Is this blog too long?
Just when it all seemed to be getting much easier....
On a positive note, I sensibly cancelled my PS3 order, so I'm about 500 richer than I would have been, I've got 7 full days of holiday I can take, and my contract has been renewed till the end of october and I got a pay rise
Oh, and the clocks go back (or forward) this weekend, so more sun in the evenings, yay!
Oh, and the answer to last week's quiz was.............................Fight Club!
This week:'Last night, Darth Vader came down from planet Vulcan and told me that if I didn't take Lorraine out that he'd melt my brain.'
Love to all, stay well
D x
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
And boy, I really need to see Fight Club I guess....
if they really wanted to know what i was upto they can contact me is how i treat it.
i will get off my arse sometime soon and sort all the uk people into a group and organise a couple of sg download meets