fiona

I've been handcuffed to this feeling for too long... How can I say I'm happy in my life when the pleasures of life themselves can only be enjoyed as a contrast to pain? Fuck I'm confused. I'm desperate. The leaves are almost done falling but i'm not even done being in summer mode, damn missed days of sun while I had to work! Fuck responsibilities, I feel so old and I didn't even get to be young and wild. Cuz me, I was young and well-behaved. I used to scold my schoolfriends for swearing. I want to do like Starla does in her Back From Reality shoot and let go of the world for a while... I wanna be bad and rebel against my own correctness, but I don't have enough money for the drugs I would need in order to party like a wild woman does. So excuse my profanities cuz they're only frustrations, but fuck it, all I can do is smoke a joint to my head and look at the view of the city from up here on the 3rd floor.....Is there anybody out there? I take a bath and hide my ears under the surface so I don't hear anything except hidden sounds... I don't wear my glasses so I can't truly see 'reality'... and instead of speaking what the gremlin in me is insisting, I just smile and say "of course, madame. Would you like cream and sugar on the side?" I feel so powerless, I wish I was american so I could vote for obama. If he wins, Not only will I go to all the victory parties that my friends are planning, I will tattoo my body with its significance in my life. Bring all those good boys home from the desert... Hell yeah, I'll smoke to that.