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finlander

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Elves and Dwarves

Sep 5, 2015
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It's recently come to my attention from the people I choose to spend my free time with, that in their opinion, elves are in fact superior to dwarves. I, on the other hand, find elves to be punk asses that dwarves wipe the floor with. It's not just that though, its that and a combination of a whole cauldron of other things.

Just for a recent example, look at the Hobbit movies that just came out. I hardly remember the second one, only that the Elf king is a dick who decided to break his oath and turn away from the dwarves they had made an alliance with. I'm not sure about Tolkien's dwarves, but I know dwarves in warhammer fantasy would write that down in their book of grudges, and it would be answered for one day. In the third movie, the elves go to war over crown jewels that a dragon stole from them, they demand them back from the dwarves, instead of attempting to barter or anything for them. I'm a bit biased in my opinion, but I'm pretty sure that's a heavy handed way of getting what you want, and would probably end in a long and bloody war in medieval fantasy settings.

Then there's the part where Dain II Ironfoot arrives, and calls out the elves on their bullshit. Before he can kill the dick that the elves call king, the orcs arrive. The dwarves immediately decide to form a shield wall, which is a badass formation that would probably fuck the orcs up. What do the elves do, you may ask? They jump over the shield wall straight into orcs bigger than they are that are running full tilt. By all rights they should've been sent flying ass over tea kettle, but god forbid my dark wishes get fulfilled.

Warhammer fantasy, a setting of filth and magic and horrifying dinosaur men. Ah, how I love it so. The dwarves are dwarfs, and properly disgruntled and beardy. The elves here and broken into three sections, dickish and honorable, dickish hippies, and dickish bondage freaks. It boils down to this, elves here are the ones in charge of keeping the world safe from chaos, even if everyone secretly knows its the lizardmen that do all the work.

I could bitch about this for a good long while, but I doubt it would be that interesting, so I'll close it on an interesting note. Dwarves have sixteen livers.

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