finklestein

So, my child, you ask why boys and girls are different?

A long time ago, before microwavable pizzas or tax returns, God did some stuff. After a debilitating week of work, He cursed realizing it was all in vain; He forgot to teach last night's batch how to philander. Useless to Him, they were smitten.

And so He rested, thus producing a truly divine and unprecedented nocturnal emission. His immaculate cleanliness contradicted, He trudged to the local laundromat to uphold his reputation. The humiliation and hardship of the Eighth Day was stricken from the records.

Being simultaneously omnipresent and omniphallic is not as much a blessing as one might think. For every billowing cloud there is a dead grandmother, and for every overripe cantaloupe there is an eager sheet of sandpaper. And, of course, if One is omniphallic, One must be omniseminal.

And so It descended from the Heavens in all the quivering radiance of an egg white.

There, the primordial ooze festered. Proteins first, and so on. The flagellates while capable of supplying, were incapable of receiving. And so on. Multi-celled organisms were the first to exploit the undulations of the flagellates, devoting half of their bodies to genitalia and the other half to digestion. The greedier evolutions developed only the former, resulting in a brief but pleasurable life.

The gamble between food and booty stabilized with each additional cell, tipping the balance less and less Some chose to concentrate the booty-critical organs and thus requiring fewer cells: women with the clitoris. Some chose to integrate the booty-critical organs into the food-critical organs: men with the prostate.

Beyond that it's all very technical.