filmme

So many things make life interesting, my friends.

I was with a girl for two and a half years. We had a great run, but in the end, she made a decision that affected us both so deeply that I wasn't really sure of the full ramifications until last night.

You see, she discovered she was a lesbian and I couldn't be angry or sad about it. I love her and I love the girl shes with. They are amazing together, much MUCH better than we ever were and despite the obvious sacrifice on my part, I was just so happy that she was happy. And I still hold true to that.

But last night I realizied just how far reaching it was in terms of my needs and desires now. Unfortunately, they rarely present themselves until it is too late to do anything to stop people from getting hurt (something to work on...)

I have been seeing this girl for about a month. She is awesome, I've known her for two years and we're great friends and it could have turned into something amazing... and it was amazing. We decided not to fuck it all up just yet by having sex, but we came so close... and it would have been breathtaking.

*sighs*

Last night, as the full moon both bathing and brutalizing us, we let loose with a good old fashioned soul-baring converasation and we both left dazed and hurt by what was the obvious decision: we just shouldnt be together anymore because there are so many things in the way, so many unresolved issues with our respective pasts and so many things that make this the wrong time for anything like this.

She is amazing. I could have fallen in love with her and in many respects I already did. I just dont want her to be the rebound chick. so we have to split; it's the right choice so I dont go speeding into a brick wall with this amazing girl in tow. We have a future if we want it. We would just rather wait and make sure it is unhindered by bullshit.

Right now, I just need to be free from obligations to other people. The last relationship I was in was an almost contant battle to keep it working, we went through sooooo much, and it ended in such an abrupt and utterly unfixable manner that I still look around our old apartment and wonder where my dog and girfriend are when I wake up. I dont want to drag anyone through that but I miss having people around. For company, for sex, for whatever.

But I haven't been single for almost three and half years, I have a film that is about to make a cross-Canada festival run and I want to relax and have a great summer. Is the last thing I need to be worrying about is a relationship or am I just being a typical male, here?

*help*