fillerbunny

Dave Barry's Tips on Travel

Air Travel (Or: Why Birds Never Look Truly Relaxed)

"There have been many important commercial-aviation innovations, such as TURBULANCE. You'll be flying along, and there will be an enormous, shuddering WHUMP, and clearly the plane has rammed into an airborne object at least the size of a water buffalo, and the pilot will say, 'Foks, we're encountering a little turbulance.' Meanwhile they are up there in the cockpit trying desperately to clean water-buffalo organs off the windshield."

Traveling as a Family

The best time to go to Disney World, if you want to avoid huge crowds, is 1962.

Discovering the USA

Among New Jersey's many historic sites is GIants Memorial Stadium, erected to mark the burial location of Jimmy Hoffa.

The European Bus Tour

An excellent opportunity to broaden your cultural experience by meeting other couples from completely different states.

Staying in Hotels

Despite fears inspired by the movie PSYCHO, the truth is that only a scant 3 percent of all hotel guests are ever stabbed to death while in the shower. A far higher percentage are stabbed to death while talking loudly in the hallways after 2:30 a.m.

See the USA First! (while we still own part of it)

"America is a land of rich diversity, from the towering skyscrapers of Manhattan all the way to the towering mounds of garbage piled next to the towering skyscrapers of Manhattan, and you owe it to yourself, as an American, to see it all. Why go to Europe, with its high prices and strange food and incomprehensible lingo, when, with just a little effort, you can find these things right here?"

On California

California truly lives up to its dynamic nickname. "The Nations's Most Populous State." with enough uniformed parking valets in Los Angeles alone to conquer Eastern Europe. Southern California also boasts more than 57 billion convenient miles of freeway and many fascinating places to visit, although we frankly have no idea which exit you take to get to them.

Visitors to Northern California will definently want to visit Wine Country, where they can snork down a couple dozen free samples and then go experience the dry heaves amidst the awesome towering grandeur of the giant redwoods, which are the oldest living things on Earth that are not members of the Grateful Dead.



I love Dave Barry, he's fucking hilarious. To find out what he says about YOUR state or country just ask me and I'll send it to you.

I hate sleeping alone, I had nightmare again. I'm glad you're coming back home tonight.