fillerbunny

shit. I'm trying to do the right thing... For once in my life, I'm trying to save someone else from a lot of pain and trouble. I'm trying to be selfless, which if any of you know me, I'm extremely selfish and this is hard for me....

I don't know what to do, On one hand I have this guy that I gave my heart to, I told him I'd wait and damnit I will but he's being so weird I don't even know what to do about him. Every letter is more and more cryptic and they keep getting shorter and shorter.... Does he not want to come back, did he meet someone else, is he trying to save me like I"m trying to save another from a lot of heartache. I don't fucking know, I just know that I'm scared, and confused, and more then a little pissed...

And then there's the other one. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't falling for him. If I said my mind doesn't drift out towards him more and more.... He says he loves me, he reassures me, he takes care of me when I'm sick, He's right HERE and he's REAL. But, and there's always a but, can he live the way I want to? Can he do the things that I look forward to... I don't ever want a white picket fence... Never. I want to fly,

I want to see everything and DO everything. I want to explore. So... can he leave everything he's ever known and embark on this crazy adventure with me throwing caution to the wind?

Do I leave the first one because of how he's acting now or do I hope and pray that things will return to the way they were, when I was so happy that it burned me up inside? If we end, do I go with the other one even though I feel like I'm bad for him and can only cause him more pain? Do I leave the first for the second?

Maybe I should leave them both.... I don't know. I don't FUCKING KNOW. I never have the answers. I'm not an answers kind of girl.

I have the reverse Midas touch. Everything I touch turns to shit....