@missy @rambo
If I had the power to give my younger self advice, it would be that my eating disorder wasn't worth the pain. When I was 15 years old, I started to count calories, overexercise, and fast as long as I could. It began as wanting to tone up, but turned into my worst nightmare.
Small things like skipping meals eventually worsened into everything I ate, I purged. Teachers would get called into the girls restroom I don't know how many times because I wouldn't stop. It was all I could think about, and it was ultimately down to controling the negative thoughts I had about myself, taking the reigns back, being in control. My parents' slight concern became a constant worry, however, I still continued to believe I was fine; I never thought I had a serious problem.
That was until I landed in the hospital 9 months later. My 5'8" tall frame was 98lbs. The picture above was taken 3 months before my in-patient stay, and by that time, I couldn't stand to have a camera around me.
They gave me a tube that force-fed me when I was pleading for them to stop. It stayed in throughout my hospital visit, helping my body gain back more weight along with regular meals. I even had to go back to high school with it in, the kids would always laugh and stare.
Eventually I healed with support from friends, family, and some intensive therapy. Today I'm happier and healthier than ever, trying to pursue a future in the photography and modeling world. If I could tell my teenage self something, I would tell her that life, no matter how hard you think it is at the time, will get harder, but YOU are strong! This strength you are demonstrating at this very moment is defining you as a person, how far you can go to survive, and you're still so loving at the end.
Then, I would give her a big ole hug and tell her go back to listening to some Lady Gaga ♥️
Thank you so much for the wonderful homework and letting us share. I haven't talked about this in a long time; feels good to finally say this ♥️
Love, Filicity ♥️
