figmentation

sigh.
tired. but I slept a full night last night. Maybe I'm sick. sick of life. sick of existance, sick of the blandness that is south florida. I was speaking with a buddy yesterday and he was telling me about a place where there were creative people everywhere. almost like a mecca of sorts. So different from here. I want soemthing different. Something like that, where I can be who I am and not feel tied into the plascticity that is south florida, esp where the money is. I like where I am though. It's warm, I've a tan, I've a faboulas set up with my living and such. Maybe I don't know what I want. Maybe I'm waiting to choose for myself instead of being couragous and doing it. Maybe I'm jsut sick and wanna snuggle without having my snuggle buddy try to make me engage in sexual activity with them.

sigh.

I saw him today by the way. he's speaking to me again. I guess he's not all butt hurt anymore, though he's sore still... bitter males. they suck.
I'm in a state of learning to trust males again. I've been treated really really badly by them and learning that they all aren't fucked up assholes who blah blah blah is really hard. I've fought to not be a manhater, now I just have to learn that there's good ones and bad ones. sigh.

god, this post is really disjointed. my thoughts are really disjointed. I think, it's time to a pause and a number game and some rest...
kisses,
Fig

I want to snuggle

my new sign: I am a wild feline, please do not try to catch me.