"Shadow cannot exist without light, and that there is no Devil except the one you create." found in EMANONXXX journal.
Maybe that's the problem. maybe I'm creating my own devil. Creating reasons for things to not work as opposed relaxing and seeing if they will on their own. Maybe they are working just fine and I'm mucking them all up by being flustered about them. that would be typical Fig behavior. But why be typical? Why do that which is destructive and counter productive? Why shove away that which i care deeply for?
I feel better today. the physical sickness is leaving, yay! no more foggy head. I think the cold salty night air and a run may have done it for me. I'm gonna start running on the beach and also trail running. I moved here partly for the scenery, may as well enjoy it right?
Does anyone know where the lighthouse is in santa cruz? H took me there once and I don't know how to get back. I'm craving it. the rocks that the waves send spray over, the sounds and smells of the ocean and sand. the sand pipers running along with their little legs catching their breakfast.
I've been having trouble dreaming lately. I don't know how or why. I only noticed it because last night I dreampt but it was forced. as though I had not in a long time and therefor had to make the dream come. it gave a soreness to the head.
right. I've got a couple papers to write for school and I've skipped class for two days. yummy. off to to brain work. (I'd rather be outside.)
Maybe that's the problem. maybe I'm creating my own devil. Creating reasons for things to not work as opposed relaxing and seeing if they will on their own. Maybe they are working just fine and I'm mucking them all up by being flustered about them. that would be typical Fig behavior. But why be typical? Why do that which is destructive and counter productive? Why shove away that which i care deeply for?
I feel better today. the physical sickness is leaving, yay! no more foggy head. I think the cold salty night air and a run may have done it for me. I'm gonna start running on the beach and also trail running. I moved here partly for the scenery, may as well enjoy it right?
Does anyone know where the lighthouse is in santa cruz? H took me there once and I don't know how to get back. I'm craving it. the rocks that the waves send spray over, the sounds and smells of the ocean and sand. the sand pipers running along with their little legs catching their breakfast.
I've been having trouble dreaming lately. I don't know how or why. I only noticed it because last night I dreampt but it was forced. as though I had not in a long time and therefor had to make the dream come. it gave a soreness to the head.
right. I've got a couple papers to write for school and I've skipped class for two days. yummy. off to to brain work. (I'd rather be outside.)
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OOOoo
OOoo you in twaable!
I long to go to the beach, which is silly being that I live 45 minutes away. I have to make time. I love to drive down the coast at night while listening to some "chill out" music. It's so therapeutic.