figmentation

I was up early today...
not sure why. Being up early in the morning doesn't do much but get you thinking... A good and bad thing at the same time. Self reflection is both healthy and dangerous.

Life is very interesting at times. and how we deal with it's options and choices tells alot about our character and substance. I won't share what I discovered, but suffice it to say, that I've behaved very cowardly in my life. A truth which I'm ashamed to admit.

I want to indignatly stand and say, "No MORE! That is the end of that! I shall become fearless once again!" I cannot say that though. Maybe the experiences which occured when I acted fearlessly have taught me better.
Maybe I needed to be recless with my fearlessness inorder to learn?

Thinking about it now, I can't tell you if the fearlessness that I'm referring to is a recklessness and a disreguard for warning signs or if it was true fearlessness... I'm thinking that I was afraid the whole time, and it was the fear that drove the recklessness. (These are sobering thoughts... I don't know yet, what to do with them.)

I miss coffee... I think I will make some in abit...

On another note, all of the thinking asside, my body feels better than it has in about a week. (I've been sick and house bound all week.) I've gone back to looking for work and am not inspired, but I need to do *something*. Today outside is also gloomy, rainy and cold. but it seems pretty to me. Maybe becuse I'm well enough to actually go outside?
Who knows?

I'm stuck inside my head lately.