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listen: Bloodhound Gang - Yummy Down On This

the week off is going well. not a care in the world.
just wish it was a little warmer so i could go on bike rides.
this will likely come sooner than i think.

i dug out the writings i made and i'll start off with this one.

Water of Hate

Water of hate
Hates me somedays
Along the muddy banks and river shores
Fluid of contempt
It washes me away
From dry happiness and content
It makes me cry
And then calm, sigh
And think
I'm alive and don't know why

they are sort of tacky, i haven't read these for almost 7 years. i'll edit some (to make sense in some cases) and post them now and then.

has anyone experience sleep paralysis? it happens to me while dreaming once in a while. i'll describe my latest event where my whole body couldn't move except my eyes and my muscles used for breathing.

last night in my dream, a young boy was kneeling beside a recliner i was sitting in. he took his elbow and gouged it against my inside thigh at the front. where the large tendons and beginnings of the front thigh muscles are. it may be a pressure point, im not sure, but its really thick and fleshy and somewhat tender and unprotected and when i press my palm against the area, i feel a sort of primal unease.
so, he kept pressing into me and i was frozen and convulsed into sheer pain and agony. he kept digging in harder and harder while looking at me wildly. i would try to cry tears and make a moan or a sound, but the pressure is that of being similar to yawning, where you can hear that rush in your ears. when that happens, your body cant seem to do anything else
he looked exotic, he had unnaturally long skinny arms with dark brown skin and no hair of any sort on his skin except for his head. after being in the dream and trapped in pain for a while, i forced my brain to turn off my pain receptor and all of a sudden, electronic text popped up in my upper vision and it instructed me to move my thigh and hips left and right, the moment i tried to, my whole skin and flesh slid underneath his seemingly unbearable pressure easily, then my actual body woke up half way and i could see that my second pillow was resting on my leg with the corner of it upon my inside thigh. the weird thing is, only the corner felt like it weighed ten pounds and the rest of the pillow felt light.
i can't figure out what the boy means. an embodiment of something unbeatable to me maybe. theres a lot of things i can't beat though, so im not sure which obstacle.