12th May '09 23.34
I'm writting this in a differen't manner than normal.. less an explination of what I've done recently to more of a random outpooring of thoughts so sorry if it doesn't make sense.
I'm not sure I even want people to read what I'm thinking but meh, Everyone of my friends that I've sat and listened to thier problems has said it's helped.. least writting my shit train wreck of a thought process in a blog, I can pretend people wont read it.. hell maybe it wont be read but then why am I writting this to explain it if you're not reading it
So if you don't want a bit of a downer.. don't read this blog it wont be fun..
I've always got on well with people if I like them.. I was social rep for our 6th form for frags sake..
I don't know when things changed but I realised towards the end of uni I'd pretty much cut myself off from the world barring my closest friends.. I think that's when I started writting this blog and making more of an effort to talk to people I didn't know and make more effort with the peeps I did.
I thought I was doing really well.. Although these past couple of days trying to be sociable has been soooo taxing.. I've genuinely enjoyed it but recently I've just wanted to crawl into a ball by myself and sleep for days..
This is with people that I know.. with people that I don't know I've found myself most of the time annoyed or irritated.. when I work in the center of town it doesn't bode well.
Speaking of work I want.. no scratch that, Need to work in design it's what I want to do for my life and having been working at gamestation has been fun but I need a real career earning half decent money but I can't get a job till I have a portfolio and again recently it's been sooo hard to start work on peices..
The hassle with my course hasn't helped and even if I did have a folio I can't apply for any jobs because I might be mooving in 4-6months..
My awesome designer friend Bec has written me aload of briefs to do and I want to do them and I know doing it and the end result that I'd have will be soooo satisfying and enjoyable but it seems like an effort to start.. surely it shouldn't be that way if it's something you enjoy!
Saying that I sooo can't wait to move I need out of this house.. hell even the city, My mum has an irrational phobia of letting people into the house (my dad told me it's one of the reasons they split) but because of this the house is a tip.. and I mean probably a to a health risk level (gives her an excuse not to let anyone in) and I feel I can't leave untill I've sorted it out propperly and with mum n sis wanting to move cities because of my mum potentiallly doing a uni course (yet to hear back) feels like it could finally be solved and I could move out on my own..
Oh and my mum dropped the bombshell that my dad was "fucking" his (now) wife when they were together and mum was pregnant with Emily (my sis).. a good 3-4 years before they split..
Course dad didn't mention that when he said that about my mums phobia being one of the reasons they split..
Most of me is like meh, there's nothing to be done about it, it was 17 years ago but the other part of me is fucked up about it.. my perspective of my dad has dropped yet I still feel sorry that I haven't kept in touch with him more.. ffs.
Gaaah
I'm going to finish blade runner and go to bed.. I just wish I didn't have to get up for work in the morning..
Sorry for this Blah blog..but thank you if you've read it.. maybe it does help alittle.. When I come back from the anime con in 10 days I'm sure there'll be an awesome Update
I'm writting this in a differen't manner than normal.. less an explination of what I've done recently to more of a random outpooring of thoughts so sorry if it doesn't make sense.
I'm not sure I even want people to read what I'm thinking but meh, Everyone of my friends that I've sat and listened to thier problems has said it's helped.. least writting my shit train wreck of a thought process in a blog, I can pretend people wont read it.. hell maybe it wont be read but then why am I writting this to explain it if you're not reading it
So if you don't want a bit of a downer.. don't read this blog it wont be fun..
I've always got on well with people if I like them.. I was social rep for our 6th form for frags sake..
I don't know when things changed but I realised towards the end of uni I'd pretty much cut myself off from the world barring my closest friends.. I think that's when I started writting this blog and making more of an effort to talk to people I didn't know and make more effort with the peeps I did.
I thought I was doing really well.. Although these past couple of days trying to be sociable has been soooo taxing.. I've genuinely enjoyed it but recently I've just wanted to crawl into a ball by myself and sleep for days..
This is with people that I know.. with people that I don't know I've found myself most of the time annoyed or irritated.. when I work in the center of town it doesn't bode well.
Speaking of work I want.. no scratch that, Need to work in design it's what I want to do for my life and having been working at gamestation has been fun but I need a real career earning half decent money but I can't get a job till I have a portfolio and again recently it's been sooo hard to start work on peices..
The hassle with my course hasn't helped and even if I did have a folio I can't apply for any jobs because I might be mooving in 4-6months..
My awesome designer friend Bec has written me aload of briefs to do and I want to do them and I know doing it and the end result that I'd have will be soooo satisfying and enjoyable but it seems like an effort to start.. surely it shouldn't be that way if it's something you enjoy!
Saying that I sooo can't wait to move I need out of this house.. hell even the city, My mum has an irrational phobia of letting people into the house (my dad told me it's one of the reasons they split) but because of this the house is a tip.. and I mean probably a to a health risk level (gives her an excuse not to let anyone in) and I feel I can't leave untill I've sorted it out propperly and with mum n sis wanting to move cities because of my mum potentiallly doing a uni course (yet to hear back) feels like it could finally be solved and I could move out on my own..
Oh and my mum dropped the bombshell that my dad was "fucking" his (now) wife when they were together and mum was pregnant with Emily (my sis).. a good 3-4 years before they split..
Course dad didn't mention that when he said that about my mums phobia being one of the reasons they split..
Most of me is like meh, there's nothing to be done about it, it was 17 years ago but the other part of me is fucked up about it.. my perspective of my dad has dropped yet I still feel sorry that I haven't kept in touch with him more.. ffs.
Gaaah
I'm going to finish blade runner and go to bed.. I just wish I didn't have to get up for work in the morning..
Sorry for this Blah blog..but thank you if you've read it.. maybe it does help alittle.. When I come back from the anime con in 10 days I'm sure there'll be an awesome Update
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
You sound like me man... big hearted. I mean.. I moved home to help out too. I don't get whats wrong with the house (other than maybe its messy). You at the age that you should get on your own.. at least a little. At least by Canadian Standards. I know money is tight everywhere... but your the parental units do need to look after themselves. Sometimes I get overwhelmed that I'm abandoning my mom too... but the more you let them hold you back.. the more they'll keep letting you do it. Right? It turns out I'm leaving... and things are kinda working out.
hehehe
I got my license before college (uni). 2 weeks before I moved only to never drive for years... helpful for getting liquor.
Ya my dog is fucking awesome! They are so smart and easy to train... I'd get another if I didn't think it'd break me. Luckily half the dogs in my building are small, so she can make friends..
Cheers mate... keep your chin up and I will too.