So, I survived the wedding-somewhat. Brett didn't really have a good time because he didn't know anyone! DUH! Michael was so polite and civil...Brett and I got into an argument at the wedding ( a quiet one) because he didn't really like anyone he met (except Michael). Ha.
Okay, I'm not laughing...I'm bawling my eyes out! I'm not dealing with Michael's new relationship status (not that he will tell me anything about it, but I can put 2 and 2 together). I hate myself for the mistakes I made last year...I can't get over it...and I also hate how downright MEAN I am to Michael! I asked for space...yet I find every chance I can get to try and verbally hurt him. It's not like he HATES me...
I'm thinking about taking the Director position in another Sylvan. I will hate myself even more for leaving my boss and friend, but what can I do? I try to come up with plans and ways to get over Michael, and move on...but I'm so unsuccessful. Whenever Brett and I fight, I want to run to Michael. I hate the way my personality has changed because of this situation. I was a nice girl before all this mess. Now I'm a fucking bitch. Yelling at him about the past is not going to make my present or future any better...so why do I bother? Do I really think I am hurting his feelings? No. I'm just hurting myself. Maybe I should see a therapist for awhile and try to eleviate this depression I am in. Geez, I'm like a celebrity except that no one knows my name...
And now we can talk about Brett...he doesn't love me for who I am...he wants me to be someone I am not. He thinks I was flirting at this wedding. With who? My friend James had his girlfriend with him, and Michael and I acted like co-workers. I was actually kind of proud of myself...I put aside my own discomfort for the sake of a friend...and I did it with a smile on my face! I wasn't flirting...I was just being me...why doesn't anyone just like "me"? Why do I have to try so hard to be liked by guys? So, we broke up (anyone keeping count)? And I feel like the guilty person all the time. I told him that I was talking to James online about the wedding, and Brett said he was going to talk to other girls online. Okay. So? Oh, and one of my other co-workers is hot. Okay, I think she's hot too. Why try so hard to hurt me? And then I realized it's the same thing I do to Michael. People tell me all the time not to settle for just anyone, but I am afraid to be alone. I'm shy when it comes to meeting new people. I never get the guys that I like. That's why I liked Michael so much-he never tried to change me. He let me be ignorant, silly, mean, and serious without judging me. I think that's why I'm still always sad-I'm afraid I'll never find someone else like him. I hope he forgives me someday for my cruel actions and words. It's not who I am deep down. I'm just so frustrated by life that I don't know who to turn to for help. I'm at the bottom of a hole and I can't grab on to anything...
-Lisa-
Okay, I'm not laughing...I'm bawling my eyes out! I'm not dealing with Michael's new relationship status (not that he will tell me anything about it, but I can put 2 and 2 together). I hate myself for the mistakes I made last year...I can't get over it...and I also hate how downright MEAN I am to Michael! I asked for space...yet I find every chance I can get to try and verbally hurt him. It's not like he HATES me...
I'm thinking about taking the Director position in another Sylvan. I will hate myself even more for leaving my boss and friend, but what can I do? I try to come up with plans and ways to get over Michael, and move on...but I'm so unsuccessful. Whenever Brett and I fight, I want to run to Michael. I hate the way my personality has changed because of this situation. I was a nice girl before all this mess. Now I'm a fucking bitch. Yelling at him about the past is not going to make my present or future any better...so why do I bother? Do I really think I am hurting his feelings? No. I'm just hurting myself. Maybe I should see a therapist for awhile and try to eleviate this depression I am in. Geez, I'm like a celebrity except that no one knows my name...
And now we can talk about Brett...he doesn't love me for who I am...he wants me to be someone I am not. He thinks I was flirting at this wedding. With who? My friend James had his girlfriend with him, and Michael and I acted like co-workers. I was actually kind of proud of myself...I put aside my own discomfort for the sake of a friend...and I did it with a smile on my face! I wasn't flirting...I was just being me...why doesn't anyone just like "me"? Why do I have to try so hard to be liked by guys? So, we broke up (anyone keeping count)? And I feel like the guilty person all the time. I told him that I was talking to James online about the wedding, and Brett said he was going to talk to other girls online. Okay. So? Oh, and one of my other co-workers is hot. Okay, I think she's hot too. Why try so hard to hurt me? And then I realized it's the same thing I do to Michael. People tell me all the time not to settle for just anyone, but I am afraid to be alone. I'm shy when it comes to meeting new people. I never get the guys that I like. That's why I liked Michael so much-he never tried to change me. He let me be ignorant, silly, mean, and serious without judging me. I think that's why I'm still always sad-I'm afraid I'll never find someone else like him. I hope he forgives me someday for my cruel actions and words. It's not who I am deep down. I'm just so frustrated by life that I don't know who to turn to for help. I'm at the bottom of a hole and I can't grab on to anything...
-Lisa-
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
Get away from all this! You're only making yourself and everyone around you miserable.
Time to make a new plan, Stan!
Just hop off the bus, Guss, and get yourself free!
Really . . . that's the best advice. You're young . . . you're going to fall in love again. Honest!