Today I confirmed what I suspected all along: once I love someone, I will always love them, even if the love changes form. Does love change form? Hmmmm.
Here's the proof. My ex-boyfriend Brian's birthday is today--6/6/06 of all days! Maybe like three years ago, we joked about how he would turn 28 on such an "unlucky" day. Even though we were a serious couple for four years, we didn't make the transition to being "just" friends very well. Not that we didn't try, but we always still loved each other, we just weren't meant to live together and be married. So that we could both "move" on and date other people, we decided to sever all ties--no hard feelings, nothing. Finding out that he was now living with his current girlfriend was a bit of a bitter pill to swallow. Oh well. I have to remember that I didn't want to be that girl and stop being so damned jealous. Grrr.
Anyway, today being the infamous birthday, I decided to give him a call...the conversation was short and sweet, but when I hung up I felt a pang of sadness...I wanted to tell him all the good things that have been going on in my life since the last time we talked (like a year and a half ago), but I couldn't. It's not my place to.
That's when I had that moment of truth. That's why I never stay friends with any guy that I have ever loved...Even talking to James annoys me sometimes because of what happened 2 years ago.
I guess I end up resenting the fact that the guy either doesn't love me anymore OR never did share the same sentiments. Maybe that makes me shallow, but love can be a bummer. Who wants to feel sad everytime they see someone? Not me.
But...
I'm determined to be friends with Michael, even though the email I sent him wounded my pride because he doesn't love (or even "like" me) back. After a few days of silence (in which I was able to compose myself and reflect that it was my idiotic decision to make my feelings known), I tried talking to him online...surprisingly, we ended up chatting for like 2 hours! Maybe it's because I know he cares about me...
I don't know. I'm not ready to talk to him on the phone ( and working with him doesn't help), but I have to be an adult and realize that I made decisions that definitely caused me pain.
Here's the "more later"....ha.
Enough about guys for now. The job interview went really well...my whole goal was to get their attention and to leave them with a good impression. One of the principals has seen me around for awhile, and she gave me some winks and nods to encourage me....I am happy with how I did, and I just have to have patience and faith in my abilities.
I think it is really lame that I have to wear a bandage to cover up a Red Sox tattoo when their are kids running around with fake skull tattoos on there arms. At least mine is harmless. Whatever. I guess I should have thought about that before...nah, fuck it. I said I was gonna get one when the Sox won the World Series and I did.
Eh. Nothing too exciting happened tonight...I watched a little bit of the original The Amityville Horror, but I was too scared to finish watching ot after Brett left. I have seen the movie so many times, but I am afraid of the things I believe in.
Okay. Enough rambling for the night. Sweet dreams on this strange evening of 6/6/06. I wonder if the zero is what makes the prophecy false. Regardless, I betcha there are some satanist freaks trying to conjure up the devil himself tonight.
Spooky.
-Cassara-
Here's the proof. My ex-boyfriend Brian's birthday is today--6/6/06 of all days! Maybe like three years ago, we joked about how he would turn 28 on such an "unlucky" day. Even though we were a serious couple for four years, we didn't make the transition to being "just" friends very well. Not that we didn't try, but we always still loved each other, we just weren't meant to live together and be married. So that we could both "move" on and date other people, we decided to sever all ties--no hard feelings, nothing. Finding out that he was now living with his current girlfriend was a bit of a bitter pill to swallow. Oh well. I have to remember that I didn't want to be that girl and stop being so damned jealous. Grrr.
Anyway, today being the infamous birthday, I decided to give him a call...the conversation was short and sweet, but when I hung up I felt a pang of sadness...I wanted to tell him all the good things that have been going on in my life since the last time we talked (like a year and a half ago), but I couldn't. It's not my place to.
That's when I had that moment of truth. That's why I never stay friends with any guy that I have ever loved...Even talking to James annoys me sometimes because of what happened 2 years ago.
I guess I end up resenting the fact that the guy either doesn't love me anymore OR never did share the same sentiments. Maybe that makes me shallow, but love can be a bummer. Who wants to feel sad everytime they see someone? Not me.
But...
I'm determined to be friends with Michael, even though the email I sent him wounded my pride because he doesn't love (or even "like" me) back. After a few days of silence (in which I was able to compose myself and reflect that it was my idiotic decision to make my feelings known), I tried talking to him online...surprisingly, we ended up chatting for like 2 hours! Maybe it's because I know he cares about me...
I don't know. I'm not ready to talk to him on the phone ( and working with him doesn't help), but I have to be an adult and realize that I made decisions that definitely caused me pain.
Here's the "more later"....ha.
Enough about guys for now. The job interview went really well...my whole goal was to get their attention and to leave them with a good impression. One of the principals has seen me around for awhile, and she gave me some winks and nods to encourage me....I am happy with how I did, and I just have to have patience and faith in my abilities.
I think it is really lame that I have to wear a bandage to cover up a Red Sox tattoo when their are kids running around with fake skull tattoos on there arms. At least mine is harmless. Whatever. I guess I should have thought about that before...nah, fuck it. I said I was gonna get one when the Sox won the World Series and I did.
Eh. Nothing too exciting happened tonight...I watched a little bit of the original The Amityville Horror, but I was too scared to finish watching ot after Brett left. I have seen the movie so many times, but I am afraid of the things I believe in.
Okay. Enough rambling for the night. Sweet dreams on this strange evening of 6/6/06. I wonder if the zero is what makes the prophecy false. Regardless, I betcha there are some satanist freaks trying to conjure up the devil himself tonight.
Spooky.
-Cassara-
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
I tried to send an e-mail to you late last night, but it bounced back as undeliverable. Is there something wrong with your amidala address?
p.s. left you a voice mail.
[Edited on Jun 07, 2006 7:53PM]
I don't think people ever stop loving someone. Perhaps its just my upbringing, but the bible always put a certain vision of what love was into my mind. The line in Corinthians that says "Love is never ending" has always stuck with me. It's true. The girls I have loved, I feel the same way you do about the guys you've been in love with. There is a pang of jealousy that stings my heart when I hear they are with another man. But because I love them, I choose to keep that to myself. Their new love does not deserve to be tainted by my jealousy and old love, no matter how much it pains me.