fenchurch

I really want this:




(It's sushi gummi candy...not that I'm not craving the real thing...)


Hahaha, I had totally forgotten that I made a wishlist at the stupid.com website. They stopped selling the Mr. T Chia Pet, apparently. I am utterly heartbroken. I always dreamed of getting one and growing cilantro in it...but alack, no more...

At least I can still dream of someday getting this:


There are oh so many things I would do with a million dollars, and far too many of them involve this website.


Conversation I just heard in the hall:
Girl:Come here. Come here!
[shuffle shuffle]
Girl:Look. Look. Used tissues in my jewelry. Don't ever let that happen again.
[male mumbling]
Girl:[shouting]Fuck you!
[shuffle shuffle]
Girl:Don't you kick me back!


I found a list of "Harry Potter Titles You Probably Won't See."
On a scale of 1 to Brilliant, most of them are about a 3. But somehow that just makes them more charming.
-Harry Potter Discovers Bicycle Pants
-Harry Potter Learns to Golf and Changes his Name to Harry Putter
-Harry Potter and ASTM Standards on Precision and Bias for Various Applications
-Harry Potter and the Bulimic, Narcoleptic Caveman with Antagonistic Rage and One Glass Eye
-Harry Potter Swim Suit Edition Calender (Whether or not I would buy this is emphatically not up for discussion)
-Harry Potter and the Days of Ritalin
-Harry Potter and the Avocado of Death (I love the fact that this one was obviously sent in by someone old/smart enough to know how to spell avocado correctly. I'm not even sure I would've spelled avocado correctly)
-Harry Potter and the Talking Mute
-Harry Potter Gets a Training Bra
-Harry Potter and the Time They Just Sat There for 300 Pages (is it wrong that I find this one brilliant?)
-Harry Potter Breaks Down And Sobs Like A Women
-OK APPLE WHAT THE HELL IS IT WITH THE HARRY POTTER JOKES? CANT YOU FIND NEW
ONES? OR YOU TRYING TO PISS US ALL OFF? LOOK HE HAS HIS SHARE OF MISFORTION
HERE AT STUPIT .CON.
WHAT ELSE IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO THIS POOR SAP? HOW BOUT SOME NEW POTTER JOKES? CUMON GIVE US A BREAK.
-O.K., for once, why don't you put up one of my harry potter titles? This is about the 100th complaint i've made to you dimwits. So could you pleeeeaaaaaaasssssseeeee pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaasssssssseeeee put one of them up? Here's another one of my titles (and if you don't put up one of my titles, i'm just gonna keep complaining to you until you do).
"Harry Potter and Hermione Get It On"

I submitted the following:
-Harry Potter and the Attack of the 50 Pound Pubic Lice
-Harry Potter Makes the Mr. T Chia Pet Not Be Discontinued No More
-Harry Potter Buys 300 Dollars Worth of Groceries for a Japanese Major in Vermont, Then Takes His Shirt Off While He Cooks Them For Her
-Harry Potter and the Night of the Living Bra (You don't get it)
-Harry Potter and the Hobosexual
-Harry Potter and the Assignation of Gender-Specific Pronouns to Inanimate Objects
-Harry Potter Takes a Ride on the Reading Rainbow
-Harry Potter and the Musclebound Greek
-Harry Potter and the Gay Joke

Because no, I don't have anything better to do, and fuck you for asking.



Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go get very drunk. The Babysitter's Club Movie starts in 45 minutes.



PS - Fuck!! These are AWESOME:


PPS - MARRIAGE!!!

(Here's our wedding registry. Hahahaah.)