Soooo still alive.
Went home for a few days to hang out with friends, i.e. drink, fuck, and watch my guys who don't know how to surf try to surf on the surfboard I pulled out of someone's trashcan 2 years ago and gave to them 2 months ago. Some great incredibly trashed apartment pictures, things written on the wall in blood, etc, but my fucking computer still isn't online so maybe some day. Their apartment was absolutely the most trashed I've ever seen it. More beer bottle than carpet, petrified chicken bones, food and cigarette butts everywhere, blood smeared on the walls from where Justin stabbed himself in the foot one night and cut his hand breaking a bottle to barfight on the porch the next. Also, our new gang is called the Revenants. So REVENANTS is written on the wall in blood and peanut butter. I will wear my black bandanna with pride. I will go home again in a month and they will have moved to their new apartment and we will fuck shit up.
I really hope my set goes up soon. I'd like to be a full-fledged SG before it hits 400. It feels like becoming a suicide girl is becoming less and less special as the numbers go up...silly I guess, but I have this desire to be one of the iconic suicide girls...one of the greats, y'know? But I'll be happy just to get some really nice ones up, even if I'm not the girl on the stickers or on everybody's favorites list. Oh well. I have 2 more sets to send in as soon as mine goes up and lots and lots more I want to shoot, so that should be fun. I also want to proposition Stormy for a 2 girl set, since NYC is only about 3 hours from where I am in Vermont, but I've never been good at even asking people to hang out, so that may never happen.
[Edit]
Shortly after posting this entry, I read a thread in SG Hopefuls where a girl was saying pretty much this same thing, and people's responses kind of snapped me out of this mindset and made me realize I was being dumb, and get back to that state of excitement and enthusiasm I was in when I first found out I got accepted. So yay SG!
I can't decide if the most exciting thing about going home was getting laid or being able to buy a carton of Lucky Strikes. I want to do a set that's nothing but me drinking PBR and smoking Luckies. Call it "Greaser" or "Classic" or something. And listening to Johnny Cash or Stray Cats or something.
Lately, living feels like floating. Sometimes it's nice and other times it's hard to breathe. I haven't written anything since July. I feel like there are so many different things I want and all are contradictory and I am the only person in the world who isn't a whole, true person with something continuous and sincere to define them. I feel like the one sentence that sums up my existence is "I don't know." I feel like I need to pick and choose from all the different things I think about and worry about and am interested in and consider doing and impulses I consider acting on, but I change my mind too damn much. Yet I feel like at this point in my life there is more good, or at least fun, stuff going on than ever before and I finally have a handle on everything. The only problem is I don't know who I am. I'm totally feeling that one Cure song right now, heh. I'm going to go have a cigarette.
Went home for a few days to hang out with friends, i.e. drink, fuck, and watch my guys who don't know how to surf try to surf on the surfboard I pulled out of someone's trashcan 2 years ago and gave to them 2 months ago. Some great incredibly trashed apartment pictures, things written on the wall in blood, etc, but my fucking computer still isn't online so maybe some day. Their apartment was absolutely the most trashed I've ever seen it. More beer bottle than carpet, petrified chicken bones, food and cigarette butts everywhere, blood smeared on the walls from where Justin stabbed himself in the foot one night and cut his hand breaking a bottle to barfight on the porch the next. Also, our new gang is called the Revenants. So REVENANTS is written on the wall in blood and peanut butter. I will wear my black bandanna with pride. I will go home again in a month and they will have moved to their new apartment and we will fuck shit up.
I really hope my set goes up soon. I'd like to be a full-fledged SG before it hits 400. It feels like becoming a suicide girl is becoming less and less special as the numbers go up...silly I guess, but I have this desire to be one of the iconic suicide girls...one of the greats, y'know? But I'll be happy just to get some really nice ones up, even if I'm not the girl on the stickers or on everybody's favorites list. Oh well. I have 2 more sets to send in as soon as mine goes up and lots and lots more I want to shoot, so that should be fun. I also want to proposition Stormy for a 2 girl set, since NYC is only about 3 hours from where I am in Vermont, but I've never been good at even asking people to hang out, so that may never happen.
[Edit]
Shortly after posting this entry, I read a thread in SG Hopefuls where a girl was saying pretty much this same thing, and people's responses kind of snapped me out of this mindset and made me realize I was being dumb, and get back to that state of excitement and enthusiasm I was in when I first found out I got accepted. So yay SG!
I can't decide if the most exciting thing about going home was getting laid or being able to buy a carton of Lucky Strikes. I want to do a set that's nothing but me drinking PBR and smoking Luckies. Call it "Greaser" or "Classic" or something. And listening to Johnny Cash or Stray Cats or something.
Lately, living feels like floating. Sometimes it's nice and other times it's hard to breathe. I haven't written anything since July. I feel like there are so many different things I want and all are contradictory and I am the only person in the world who isn't a whole, true person with something continuous and sincere to define them. I feel like the one sentence that sums up my existence is "I don't know." I feel like I need to pick and choose from all the different things I think about and worry about and am interested in and consider doing and impulses I consider acting on, but I change my mind too damn much. Yet I feel like at this point in my life there is more good, or at least fun, stuff going on than ever before and I finally have a handle on everything. The only problem is I don't know who I am. I'm totally feeling that one Cure song right now, heh. I'm going to go have a cigarette.
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
worlds:
Time for the October Prize giveaway! Go to my journal to see if you can win fabulous prizes.
cain:
How are you hip piercings? What were they pierced with...as far as curved or straight barbell? Have they given you trouble? I have a similar piercing right below my navel and its giving me all sorts of hell. I'm thinking its just the healing process, hopefully not rejection, because that would make me very, very sad.