i'm sorry if i have been quite absent on the site, please understand i've been dealing with some mental health issues lately. i hate that this topic is so taboo that many feel even ashamed to feel how they do, neither do i applaud the constant romantization in media over it (example of it is John Green's lit). Sad reality is that mental illness exist, it's real, we can see it, scan it, test it, but not touch it. it's like an elusive shadow cast upon us, but it is there. getting out of bed and doing stuff, not sleeping, or sleeping way too much, missing meals and appetite; all of it sucks. we should never be made feel embarassed by our illness, nor should we let them define us. however, truth is it determines a bunch of stuff within ourselves, our lives and the lives of those who love us. the past years have been a rollercoaster for me, i've been in my lowest, and i've been in my highest as well. i fell in love and out of it, both process so hard and draining. for people like me, things that come normally, things that take the form of life accomplishements, are challenges the size of the world, it weights and it can hurt, and it can be so difficult sometimes to understand how things that once came so naturally to one, and comes naturally to healthy people, can seem so impossible for others. you don't need to be there to understand it, i do not expect understanding, nor answers from the outside world, much less when i myself find it hard to understand it or accept it with an open heart. all i ask, and expect, is my loved ones support.there're few things more annoying than when they try to "fix you", try to tell you "how to" love, live, move on. most of the things i've been told by many who think they have the answer, i already knew. rationally i do. i have bpd, i'm not delirious. but understanding it rationally does by no way mean we can feel it or truly let our mind and body absorb such knowledge. if you are someone struggling like me, or you love someone who is, understand that you cannot try to be like "the normal people", the same way we do not expect a blind man to suddenly wake up one day and be able to see. strive for happiness in your own terms and understand that every person has a different timing. we live the way we can and as long as we can. take your time. breath. you don't need to solve everything everytime. you are allowed to feel sad and lost and stucked, but don't hide yourself from the world. there's no loneliest feeling than that that we inflict upon ourselves. you are not alone (as cheesy as that may sound). i'm in the hard journey to fall in love with myself, and hope you are too.
tons of love,
me.
