Having some super strange feelings lately. I feel an internal struggle to change and improve but it's hard to take that first step. There are so many things I need to let go of, and so far this year I've been unsuccessful. I'm not exactly sure what I'm so afraid of, but whatever it is has kept me pretty stagnant. I've been hanging on to some only halfway satisfying "relationships" that I've known needed to end for awhile now. I guess under the philosophy that something is better than nothing. But I need to start to realize that these situations are depriving me of my sweetness, and my love, and how much I have to give someone. They're making it hard for me to be vulnerable, and unsure if I'll ever find myself in a situation where I don't have to give up so much of what I want. I've convinced myself that as long as I'm still at Red Lobster doing the same damn thing I've been doing, very little will change. I've got to hunker down and focus on building up to my moment where I take a leap and make larger strides. Meaning, I've got to start saving more money and decide on where I want the next phase of my life to take me. I really need a foot in a door somewhere. But until that happens or a light bulb switches on I want to make sure I'm financially prepared to allow me to pursue those opportunities.
Also, I need to start seeing a therapist. I can't always depend on my friends to carry the burden of listening to my troubles. People generally have enough troubles of their own.
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On a more positive note, I went to Forecastle with the best friend. Had a most memorable night. In addition to that we also went to the local rock quarry and floated around for a few hours, that was a beautiful day. Last night we went and had some amazing bbq/craft beers at Louisville's only brewer-owned and operated brewery/smokehouse called Against the Grain. Pulled pork "nachos" are highly recommended. Then we went dancing/drinking with our closest group of friends. All in all a lovely visit from her. We took all our pictures on disposable cameras to create an element of surprise so when i get those back I might post some.
Much love to all of you, although I feel like my friends on here are dropping like flies. <3
Also, I need to start seeing a therapist. I can't always depend on my friends to carry the burden of listening to my troubles. People generally have enough troubles of their own.
...
On a more positive note, I went to Forecastle with the best friend. Had a most memorable night. In addition to that we also went to the local rock quarry and floated around for a few hours, that was a beautiful day. Last night we went and had some amazing bbq/craft beers at Louisville's only brewer-owned and operated brewery/smokehouse called Against the Grain. Pulled pork "nachos" are highly recommended. Then we went dancing/drinking with our closest group of friends. All in all a lovely visit from her. We took all our pictures on disposable cameras to create an element of surprise so when i get those back I might post some.
Much love to all of you, although I feel like my friends on here are dropping like flies. <3
I spent many years working a lower job just paying my way though Jr college figuring out what i wanted to do. Then after college, I wound up doing what i'm good at, not what I got my degree in.
I have a weakness for nachos.