Just erased an "i'm deleting my account" blog post. because really, what's the point?
Didn't get my hair cut. Why? Because I just can't afford it. Shitty shitty life. Yet I'm expected to be able to go out and just kill it in an interview tomorrow. Some one teach me how to pump myself up.
Fuck everything. I feel really numb for the first time. Hello, I'm 21 and stupid. I write and say things that aren't backed up with much meaning. I don't know what a hard life even looks like and I probably have no idea just how numb one can possibly feel. All emotions are valid except the ones felt by people who know no extreme emotion on either side of the scale.
My dog keeps shitting everywhere and I just don't give a fuck.
My bank account has had $12 in it since, fuck, well since maybe June? (Stopped using it, shredded my card and only used cash.)
I could stand to lose maybe half my body weight, or at least that's how it feels. Just a lot, I know it's a lot. I run, but not enough to make a difference.
What's motivation and where do I find it? In a prescription medication bottle? Or in throwing my entire being into someone else's life and their happiness? Or in racking up numbers of useless friend across the country? Useless isn't the appropriate word. There are three people who have truly done something for me from this site, so thanks to all three of you.
I read these posts day in and day out from other people I keep up with and I sit there and think well all this is really stupid, she should just go out and make shit happen. That's tricky though, tricky when you're stuck.
Here, take a look where I should be right now. EDITED FOR OFFENSIVE CONTENT.
EDIT: it is not my intention to harm anyone's feelings by writing this. take a step back and consider why i wrote it. who am i kidding, you don't read what i write anyway?
Didn't get my hair cut. Why? Because I just can't afford it. Shitty shitty life. Yet I'm expected to be able to go out and just kill it in an interview tomorrow. Some one teach me how to pump myself up.
Fuck everything. I feel really numb for the first time. Hello, I'm 21 and stupid. I write and say things that aren't backed up with much meaning. I don't know what a hard life even looks like and I probably have no idea just how numb one can possibly feel. All emotions are valid except the ones felt by people who know no extreme emotion on either side of the scale.
My dog keeps shitting everywhere and I just don't give a fuck.
My bank account has had $12 in it since, fuck, well since maybe June? (Stopped using it, shredded my card and only used cash.)
I could stand to lose maybe half my body weight, or at least that's how it feels. Just a lot, I know it's a lot. I run, but not enough to make a difference.
What's motivation and where do I find it? In a prescription medication bottle? Or in throwing my entire being into someone else's life and their happiness? Or in racking up numbers of useless friend across the country? Useless isn't the appropriate word. There are three people who have truly done something for me from this site, so thanks to all three of you.
I read these posts day in and day out from other people I keep up with and I sit there and think well all this is really stupid, she should just go out and make shit happen. That's tricky though, tricky when you're stuck.
Here, take a look where I should be right now. EDITED FOR OFFENSIVE CONTENT.
EDIT: it is not my intention to harm anyone's feelings by writing this. take a step back and consider why i wrote it. who am i kidding, you don't read what i write anyway?
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
i hear that. i could repeat it 1000x over right now.
i don't know enough about the rest to say anything of substance, but that bit right there... couldn't agree more.
And trust me, the last several months, i've come very close to posting pretty much the exact same blog as you, i know pretty much exactly how you feel, but things will hopefully get better.