i guess its time to come clean about alot of things considering i told a few people (that i thought i could trust) about shit in my life. for some reason one of those people decided to let word out about it and now i have been getting phone calls, emails and myspace messages regaurding this matter.....
YES... i am bulemic...
ive been struggling with my bulemia for a bit now. however currently i am trying to get help for it. im with people that actually care about me and have been helping me in this issue. stop asking me why im bulemic. to be honest with you i dont know why. maybe its something subconsious... i have no clue. ive never had issues with my looks or my body. it started when i first moved to FL. then i met justin and while dating justin he fixed me so to speak. something he did and something about him helped me control and get over my bulemia. THEN... i lost justin... and i think thats when it started back up. i cant really say "oh well justin leaveing me is the reason im bulemic" justin has nothing to do with it. im not pointing the finger at anyone about this... im pointing the finger at myself. it just hurts to know that the few people i confided in with this matter, that one of them ratted me out about it. its such a shame to know that sometimes you cant even trust your close friends. ANYWAY... like i said this matter is being takeing care of so please stop messageing me and such... the secrets out and yes its true.........
MOM... sorry to post something like this but i was sick of the messages and figured its best to just get this all off my back... i love you!
and im also BIPOLAR....
i mean come on really... its pretty fucking obvious that i am, lol. ive struggled with bipolar pretty much my whole life. i think it only got worse as i got older and was faced with family splitting up, moveing around alot, kids in school... growing up is in fact the TOUGHEST thing anyone can ever face in thier lives. my whole freaking life i have had my ups and downs, ive lost my temper and had my share of fights, ive opened my heart and had my first love, ive lost a family member and learned the meaning of life and death, i left school and realized theres more to life that was never taught, ive had my hair pulling fights with my older sister only to later chill and watch a movie with her (again crys im sorry for throwing those knives at you... and that box of crayons... and chasing your bfs with knives, lol... i love you!!!)... ive done a lot with my life... and through it all ive been on one big emotional roller coaster. most my life i have been medicated to control all these emotions and make myself semi-normal. by the time i hit 18-19 i finally stopped taking medicine... i dont want to be medicated my whole life. thats not me. thats not who i am. it was really hard at first to be off the meds. i couldnt control myself at all. when my mother got sent to fight the war in iraq i began to lose any sort of hope i had. through my life my mother has always acted as my cruch when no one else whould. the thought of possibly losing her or her being badly hurt was tearing me apart. i had justin to lean on but i thought that wasnt enough. i decided that for my sake i should be on the medicine again.... however... someone i still to this day care deeply for had told me (and i remember it word for word) "if you go back on that medicine you wont be you, you wont be the person i fell for. youre my explosion" now regardless to whether those words still hold true for him... ive realized that i want my friends, family, and others to love me and hate me for the person i truly am. not the medicated me. i am perfectly flawed in every possible way!
oh the joys of restraining orders...
i wont get too detailed with this because of court... however the person this is against is blocked from my page... BUT... you never know who he might have spying on me. recently due to the above issues with my life and the harassment from a former roomate i thought it would be best for me to move out... which i did... and after moving out the harrassment only got worse to were it evolved into threats against my life and those of my family and friends. pretty much to make a long story short.... i went to the courthouse and took out an injunction against this boy... (for those of you that dont know what an injunction is... it is pretty much restraining order)... now i can finally leave my house and continue my life without haveing to be scared and looking over my shoulder non-stop. theres a sense of safety to come over my but not much... ive heard that restraining orders only piss them off more, lol gotta love springer, lol.
so pretty much thats my life... or pieces of it... ways you can better understand me.
YES... i am bulemic...
ive been struggling with my bulemia for a bit now. however currently i am trying to get help for it. im with people that actually care about me and have been helping me in this issue. stop asking me why im bulemic. to be honest with you i dont know why. maybe its something subconsious... i have no clue. ive never had issues with my looks or my body. it started when i first moved to FL. then i met justin and while dating justin he fixed me so to speak. something he did and something about him helped me control and get over my bulemia. THEN... i lost justin... and i think thats when it started back up. i cant really say "oh well justin leaveing me is the reason im bulemic" justin has nothing to do with it. im not pointing the finger at anyone about this... im pointing the finger at myself. it just hurts to know that the few people i confided in with this matter, that one of them ratted me out about it. its such a shame to know that sometimes you cant even trust your close friends. ANYWAY... like i said this matter is being takeing care of so please stop messageing me and such... the secrets out and yes its true.........
MOM... sorry to post something like this but i was sick of the messages and figured its best to just get this all off my back... i love you!
and im also BIPOLAR....
i mean come on really... its pretty fucking obvious that i am, lol. ive struggled with bipolar pretty much my whole life. i think it only got worse as i got older and was faced with family splitting up, moveing around alot, kids in school... growing up is in fact the TOUGHEST thing anyone can ever face in thier lives. my whole freaking life i have had my ups and downs, ive lost my temper and had my share of fights, ive opened my heart and had my first love, ive lost a family member and learned the meaning of life and death, i left school and realized theres more to life that was never taught, ive had my hair pulling fights with my older sister only to later chill and watch a movie with her (again crys im sorry for throwing those knives at you... and that box of crayons... and chasing your bfs with knives, lol... i love you!!!)... ive done a lot with my life... and through it all ive been on one big emotional roller coaster. most my life i have been medicated to control all these emotions and make myself semi-normal. by the time i hit 18-19 i finally stopped taking medicine... i dont want to be medicated my whole life. thats not me. thats not who i am. it was really hard at first to be off the meds. i couldnt control myself at all. when my mother got sent to fight the war in iraq i began to lose any sort of hope i had. through my life my mother has always acted as my cruch when no one else whould. the thought of possibly losing her or her being badly hurt was tearing me apart. i had justin to lean on but i thought that wasnt enough. i decided that for my sake i should be on the medicine again.... however... someone i still to this day care deeply for had told me (and i remember it word for word) "if you go back on that medicine you wont be you, you wont be the person i fell for. youre my explosion" now regardless to whether those words still hold true for him... ive realized that i want my friends, family, and others to love me and hate me for the person i truly am. not the medicated me. i am perfectly flawed in every possible way!
oh the joys of restraining orders...
i wont get too detailed with this because of court... however the person this is against is blocked from my page... BUT... you never know who he might have spying on me. recently due to the above issues with my life and the harassment from a former roomate i thought it would be best for me to move out... which i did... and after moving out the harrassment only got worse to were it evolved into threats against my life and those of my family and friends. pretty much to make a long story short.... i went to the courthouse and took out an injunction against this boy... (for those of you that dont know what an injunction is... it is pretty much restraining order)... now i can finally leave my house and continue my life without haveing to be scared and looking over my shoulder non-stop. theres a sense of safety to come over my but not much... ive heard that restraining orders only piss them off more, lol gotta love springer, lol.
so pretty much thats my life... or pieces of it... ways you can better understand me.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
It was nice to hear from you.