fefedinosaur

yeah so im going to try to quit smoking... i was just told that my aunt laura died of lung cancer... i didnt even know she had lung cancer... im always the last one to know what happens in my family... and of course me and my sister didnt know my aunt died till just now... and now we look like shit for not going to her funreal when we didnt even find out till AFTER the funreal... i feel like the biggest piece of shit right now... i would have found money to fly to NY if i would have known she died... last time i saw my aunt was at my sisters wedding... and i think about them all the time. i fucking hate this and feel like shit...........


you know whats even more fucked up then that....
i dont really want to be home alone right now cause im still kinda in shock about this whole thing and really dont know what to do. its kinda like it hasnt fully hit me yet... normally when someone dies it takes a full day for it to finally hit me. and then i just burst out in tears uncontroably.... well considering thats what might most likely happen today/tonight i dont really want to be alone... well i asked justin if he would be nice enough to come home after work and spend some time with me and shit... and he tells me he doesnt fucking know. he should be nice and say yes... but no i guess he has to wait and see if hes going out drinking with his buddies... you know the most important thing in his life... before he can manage to come home and see if im ok... if someone in his family died i would be there in a fucking heartbeat for him... even more so if he just found out and didnt really know what ot do with himself.... but i guess im not important enough. that just makes me feel a million times better now. some boyfriend huh