febee

its about time i stop listening to my heart. It only makes me down. I could just burst out crying right now. and its over something very little. but unfourtanly peoples actions speak louder than their words. I guess thats what it is. maybe i am just setting myself up to get hurt, to get angry again.
Im just gonna try to let it go. try to not let it bother me. There is nothing i can do to change the situation. I wish there was. i wish so much that there was something anything i could do. I feel like such a stupid sap. I feel like i am trying, and nothing i do means anything. maybe i should just stop doing. maybe thats what is wanted. then on the other hand i just feel angry and weak. I feel like screaming and yelling, but what good does that ever do. none.

I think maybe its a combo of things, the fact too that sufdafead makes me jittery and emotional. the fact that adam leaves tonight. I move soon. it feels like too much. (and please no one take offense to this) it feels like i have no one here to help me. I dont mean my far away friends cause that network i have is awesome. but here, right here. I have no one i can just go and ball my eyes too. I used to have my sister, mel, evtia. I had close friends. here i have friends but its like the minute i have somthing going on there not there. I miss sitting in mels dorm room in the towers pretending i was the towel monster. I dont miss the showers there. omg no no i dont miss those. just thinking about them makes me sick.

maybe i should just start dating people as crazy as me