febee

I just completly lashed out on adam. I really shouldnt have. I feel like a big dork. I am angry and lonely. i dont know why i got so pissed. its just this girl who is just a friend of his (she is married and overseas) was sending him text messages. but what kills me is thats my phone, my fucking sisters account. he has no time for me but he has time for my stuff i guess. He just told me that i am overreacting and that acting stupid. he has time to post back and forth in her journal but he cant have a five min conversation with me. supposedly i am supposed to be a "friend" this was the only outburst like this since the breakup its gonna be the last. I just feel hurt angry and used. i try to expalin that and i am being stupid, i dont think anyone has made me feel as stupid as he has. its like i question myself over and over. I begin to wonder if i became a paycheck to him more than a person let alone a girlfriend. he never says thankyou never seems bothered either way.

arrgh i feel like such a stupid girl. well f'k him. I am sure that someone will treat me better. I should just chock up my losses to bad decisions. and let it go for awhile