fearkillsfaith

So the eye remains a mess. Painful. Ugly. Jennifer has basically considered me a joke, based on her reaction the last time I saw her, so maybe I am. At least it's clear I've made a fool of myself which I am apparently good at. I am paranoid that I am going to be fired and I think every one at work is skeeved by me. Denise has been real affectionate in her emails lately but it's clear that nothing beyond the kiss will ever happen. I am still attracted to the notion of suicide. I'm planning on starting a new exercise program. I miss my daughter as I have been isolated from her due to my infectious eye ailment. If I died today what difference would my existence have made? At least what positive existence would it have made. Mostly likely I'm going to be reincarnated at a lower level. Life as a bug eh?