fearkillsfaith

How do I repulse the world? Apparently they are counting the ways. Have I been forsaken or given a gift?

Plain and simple. I need a woman. Soon.

My youth is gone. It slipped away without telling me it was leaving. One day I looked in the mirror. I mean really looked and realized that so much of life had passed me by. The joke on me is that it cannot be recaptured but for a short time I believed it could. And in the process I made a fool of myself. Our...
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I'm back from the land of bad karma. I do not wish to return. I'm physically healthy although my mental state is still somewhat covered in static. Spirtually I am not focused enough. I'm still deprived sexually (not depraved) and the frustration just leaves a bad vibe ringing inside me all the time. But hey, I'm thankful for a sunny day and the good things...
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So the eye remains a mess. Painful. Ugly. Jennifer has basically considered me a joke, based on her reaction the last time I saw her, so maybe I am. At least it's clear I've made a fool of myself which I am apparently good at. I am paranoid that I am going to be fired and I think every one at work is skeeved by...
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The puffy eye thing turns out to be pink eye. Don't ask me how I got it. It's contagious although Ms Kelly says after the first dose of eye drops it's not. Trying to keep from giving it to my reason for living. This is the first time in forever I haven't kissed her goodnight. Other then that yesterday was a complete disaster.

Woke up with my left eye puffy and half shut. Don't know why. I've taken some Benadryl and we'll see if that works. That means I can't wear a contact in that eye today. Vanity won't allow me to wear my binoculars.
I'm building my web site on xbuild.com. So far, whatever.
I'm still seeking peace. A reason to live. A Sally to lay down...
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I feel completely disconnected from the world right now. It's me against everything. I'm swimming upstream in Class 5 rapids. Am I cursed or blessed? Sometimes I just want to disolve and float on a sea of tranquility, the sun blinding me, warming me and surrender to nothingness.

There was a time when the things that mattered were simple. How does one get back there?

I just woke up. I have a major headache. I'm supposed to be in work by nine but the odds of that happening are slim. My toenails need clipping. I haven't had sex in months. So how's your day going so far?