fearkillsfaith

I've been up all night every night for the past five nights with my little girl who has a major cold. We took her to the doctors on Saturday and she was so scared but ended up being so brave for a three year old. No wonder I think she's the best thing that ever happened to me. She's my hero. Love is a word...
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Observations from a walk at lunch. It's a beautiful day in center city Philadelphia. Someone is double-parked waiting for someone else to exit one of the rare on street parking spaces available in this angry city. Sure enough the move backs up traffic and the honking and yelling begin. Once the guy gets his spot I watch as at least two of those who were...
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Insurgents in Iraq have threatened to burn three Japanese civilians alive in three days unless Japan pulls out it troops. This is the "freedom" George W Bush is providing the world via his phony war. Please take a moment today to pray or chant or beg God or your higher power to intervene and save these three souls. Pray for peace. And please vote in...
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So I'm reading How To Practice - The Way To A Meaningful Life by the Dalai Lama and he's reiterating Jesus's tome about turning the other check or that is living in non-violence. And it occurs to me that he recognizes the existence of violence in this world and makes no promises in any way shape or form that we will ever live in a...
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I saw 21 Grams last night. It depressed me. It makes me think that life is like waiting for a bus when you don't have a bus schedule. You're really not sure when the bus is coming. And as you wait you try to do something to occupy your mind. Read. Think. Stare at people. Make conversation with someone. Curse. Spit. Complain. Get upset. Laugh...
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At some point a man has to realize that his youth is gone. That doesn't make him old in spirit but certainly older in body and mind. A mid-life crisis is an embarrassing thing to witness. But is it avoidable?

I'm mentally exhausted today over obsessing about my back and my posture and a world that mocks me. I need a break. The session in Rick's studio went well last night and now all four songs for my first demo are basically down. Hopefully it's good.
Back at work on a Monday. As Harvey Pekar has stated in reference to himself, work is a stabilizing...
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The trip to IKEA yesterday has pushed me to the edge. Something must be done. I can't continue to live like this. Am I the elephant man?

The smirks. I should call them The Smirks. I'll give them their own name, the bastards. That's all they are to me. They're not humans. They're merely manifestations of their own inner self-doubt and fear and repression. I see my own when they look at me. Why though do they have to look at me at all. Their eyes are like laser beams tracking some...
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My back continues to torture me. Yesterday I took a walk in town just to try to loosen up a bit. I swear I must be invisible. No one seems to ever move out of my way. One literally walked dead on straight toward me. He did pull his arm in at the last minute as I held my ground but what gives? People simply...
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The session with Mo on the blues harp went down rough. The kid tried but she ain't got the chops. So now I'm left with two tasks. One, find another harmonica player and two, find a way to break it to Mo that she's not going to be on the demo which I can't do. Somehow I just have to get a little of her...
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My back is killing me. The massage only helped for about a half an hour afterwards. I keep popping Tylenol three at a time but to no avail. The muscle relaxers I'm taking at night aren't doing much either. I can't sleep because I'm in so much pain. This all comes from trying to lift weights at 5:00 am. Who am I kidding?