From an email I wrote to a friend today:
"Today I was walking home from work and all of a sudden I had all of these ideas for paintings. Out of nowhere, all of these odd happenings that I've never once thought about before. Trees growing from girls mouths, pretty little things being suffocated by flowing hair. All of them sweet little fairytales with dark brooding shadows and misfortunes.
And I thought - for the first time in a year, that I should paint.
It was funny because it was like the thought almost never occurred to me before and I forgot what it felt like. Having this thing in you that screams at you until you let it out. That rattles you so that you feel unlike yourself unless you obey it. So I sat there waiting for my train for half an hour and I must have doodled and wrote on 30 pages in my book one idea after another until I had nothing left.
Train, daze, walk - and I found myself contemplating again. That I should have a show. A show that was ALL mine. Because the things that were coming to me were more sophisticated than ever before.
Before, while people could look at my work and appreciate it (for whatever reason they found), these were actual stories, little hauntings. The ideas around them seemed more complete where as before I would just draw a face, draw a body...these felt like they had a beginning a middle and an end to them. Never in my life have I ever had the feeling of "I am going to put on a show". It was always like, oh I'll paint this it will be pretty. It wasn't mature, it wasn't confident - my paintings until now have felt more like what doodles are to illustrators.
And then to see this - and have an open call. Is just.....like the entire thing wrapped in a bow almost. And it's happened at the most perfect time because I have been shooting non stop for the past year. Model after model but no project has actually been my own. I need to get back to drawing, to telling my own story."
PS - I didn't reread this before I sent it to him or before I posted it here, so if it's shit I apologize.
"Today I was walking home from work and all of a sudden I had all of these ideas for paintings. Out of nowhere, all of these odd happenings that I've never once thought about before. Trees growing from girls mouths, pretty little things being suffocated by flowing hair. All of them sweet little fairytales with dark brooding shadows and misfortunes.
And I thought - for the first time in a year, that I should paint.
It was funny because it was like the thought almost never occurred to me before and I forgot what it felt like. Having this thing in you that screams at you until you let it out. That rattles you so that you feel unlike yourself unless you obey it. So I sat there waiting for my train for half an hour and I must have doodled and wrote on 30 pages in my book one idea after another until I had nothing left.
Train, daze, walk - and I found myself contemplating again. That I should have a show. A show that was ALL mine. Because the things that were coming to me were more sophisticated than ever before.
Before, while people could look at my work and appreciate it (for whatever reason they found), these were actual stories, little hauntings. The ideas around them seemed more complete where as before I would just draw a face, draw a body...these felt like they had a beginning a middle and an end to them. Never in my life have I ever had the feeling of "I am going to put on a show". It was always like, oh I'll paint this it will be pretty. It wasn't mature, it wasn't confident - my paintings until now have felt more like what doodles are to illustrators.
And then to see this - and have an open call. Is just.....like the entire thing wrapped in a bow almost. And it's happened at the most perfect time because I have been shooting non stop for the past year. Model after model but no project has actually been my own. I need to get back to drawing, to telling my own story."
PS - I didn't reread this before I sent it to him or before I posted it here, so if it's shit I apologize.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
lilandra:
Good luck hun, go for it while the feelin is fresh and it will be amazing 
sixfeetunder:
I love it!