faye

I still get very much caught up in what I'm suppose to be doing with my life and what I'm suppose to have already accomplished. I made a choice a while ago to do what I needed to do in order to be happy, to live and have a good time instead of being depressed with money. I'm not a corporate girl. I've done it, over and over and I always hate it but that's suppose to be what you want, the big position with the big salary, the benefits, the investment plans etc. It's just not a good environment for me I guess.

And since I made this decision it's been a big of a roller coaster, I wan an artist for a year, an art gallery assistant, I worked at a sex shop, tried to go corporate again (it lasted a month), worked for a small business and now I'm where I am currently.

The whole point of this really is that one of my room mates works at Lenovo, which is an old part of IBM. They are hiring inside sales people. When I first came to Toronto I wanted that job, I would ask him over and over if they were hiring I think they have three of my resumes. I wanted to work there because of the big salary and because I would be with him. He sent me an email all excited about them finally hiring and I was like, ok, I'll apply and then talk to the boss I have now to see how he thinks I'm doing if he sees a future there for me and whatnot and then do the interview, make the decision when I need to.

But yesterday it just hit me like WTF are you even doing?! I have the PERFECT job right now. I don't make a ton but I pay my rent (and not my bills HAHAHA), I have a little left over, I'm NEVER stressed, I work from home every single day. Literally I wake up at 8:45 to start work at 9am. I work in my pjs until my lunch break when I shower and actually get dressed. I'm able to take off whenever I want almost and go to Detroit to see my boy because I can work from his house. And it allows me to do photography on the side, weather I need to leave early or start late. My boss is one of my best friends and we work well together. We fool around all day but still get a ton of stuff done. We have rockband breaks and go for walks in the day and joke about how we want to buy a patio set and a ton of really long cables so we can work outside all summer long.

And I was going to give all that up for some money....I'm a fucking idiot.

I guess there will always be a part of me that feels like a failure because I took a different path and didn't become a doctor, laywer etc - but there is always time for that later when I'm done being an artist, wanna photographer and happy little gypsy girl.