fatdavid8

Yesterday evening, after a dinner out, my wife, M.F., and I were driving home along our town's main drag, a five lane street with a turn lane in its center, when a yokel in a truck pulled out from the left, entered that middle turn lane, and proceeded to drive next to us.

"I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to drive up the turn lane,"...
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I had yet another adventure in the bathroom at work today.

School hasn't started up yet, the students haven't returned, and so the library has been nearly deserted this week. As a result, I've been a little more carefree and relaxed at work. Just before lunch, I headed into the men's room, humming "Lullaby of Birdland" to myself. There didn't appear to be anyone else...
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For Christmas, Mrs. 8, my mother, decided not to be too hurtfully insane this year and, instead of purchasing her usual batch of crazy oddments whose purpose of course is to illustrate in how little regard she holds my wife, M.F., she purchased a nice argyle sweater for her. Mrs. 8 had a bit of unexpected trouble in finding it, though.

While we were unwrapping...
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Whether M.F. and I still have sex is, of course, a matter of near universal interest on SG, and as a result of the many negative comments that I have made about the institution of marriage, the general consensus among the speculative is that the answer must surely be, "No!" I am sorry to say that the nay-sayers are correct in their supposition, though the...
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If things don't improve for my poor, malfunctioning ass, today's entry may just be my SG swan song. I suppose I should say my good-byes now, for if I have another BM like the last one I am surely going to die.

M.F., my wife, has been on a trip to visit an old friend from college, and I have been fending for myself and...
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Today's journal entry is lifted from the Current Events "Kids are fucking stupid" thread:

"Emergency operation after school prank" from Yorkshire Post today
by Dave Mark

A 10-year-old boy almost lost a testicle when schoolmates copied a prank they had seen on a cartoon and pulled his trousers up as far as they could go.
Jack Watson had to have an emergency hour-long operation to...
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At work today, the Dean's Office decided to have an end-of-the-semester lunch for the pre-tenured faculty. Earlier this morning, my wife's colleague N. tried to tell her lesbi-partner V. about it as they were taking care of their morning ablutions and whatnot. The conversation apparently went something like this:

"So, we're having lunch with the pre-tenured faculty today," called N. from the bedroom.

"What?" called...
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Damn it! What have you got to do nowadays to convince people you're unreliable?

For several years, I've been a member of a professional group whose initialism, if treated as an acronym, would be pronounced "anus" (I shit you not -- of course, the senior members only ever pronounce the initials because they're sticks in the mud, if you know what I mean), and for...
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"IT'S A VERY ORGANIC THANKSGIVING, FATDAVID8"

My wife and I went in with a colleague, N., on a couple of organically-farmed turkeys this Thanksgiving, and this morning the organic farmer's farmwife dropped them off at N.'s house. I happened to be there with N.'s lesbi-partner, awaiting my gobbler and eating her sugar cookies (no euphemism intended), when the turkeys were delivered. While dropping them off,...
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There's been a lot of angry, post-election wrangling over why Kerry may have lost and over whether states should secede, over how stupid people are for voting Republican, and over how Democrats should have geared their message so that it would appeal to Republican voters. I think that the last is the real problem: if Democrats had packaged their message in such a way that...
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