fatdavid8

Last night, Fishfork and Birdcup (my cats) and I watched the film "Narayama Bushiko" (known as The Ballad of Narayama in the U.S.A.). The cats were mostly snoozing along on the couch because the film was subtitled (they say that they don't watch movies to read; if they wanted to read, they'd pull a book from the shelf), but I noticed that, every once in a while, their heads would slowly rise in unison. They'd watch the screen intently for a few minutes, and then they'd put their heads back down and return to snoozing. They did this several times, so I got interested in watching them rather than the movie.

Well, it turned out that the director had connected the several parts of the story with several segues that involved close-ups of small animals -- mice, snakes, birds, a praying mantis or two -- doing significant things. My girls would get very interested when these segues began, would watch them until they were over, would wait a moment or two just to be sure that there weren't going to be any more mice on the screen, and then would go back to snoozing.

I thought this was all pretty darn funny, but I got to thinking that maybe I could get one of the local TV stations to let Fishfork and Birdcup have their own movie-review TV show, like Ebert & Roeper.

They could review current releases just as well as those two, I'm sure. In fact, I recently overheard them discussing National Treasure as follows:

Ff: So, what did you think of "National Treasure", Bc?

Bc: I have to say that I was sorely disappointed. I mean, the director's use of rats and other critters was{makes perturbed cat face}

Ff: I know. It was all so trite and hackneyed, and, with the way the action frenetically zipped along, there was no room for development of mood or character. One second, the critters were on the screen doing the tired "I'm a scary-squeaker" routine; the next, they were gone.

Bc: The film's a total "Rat! Bat! Thank You, Cat!"

Ff: Jon Turteltaub's got a long way to go before he's a Steven Spielberg, let me tell you. I mean, how could he have not learned a thing or two from the critter scenes in the Indiana Jones films? They're a fine example of how to shoot a good critter scene.

Bc: WellI felt much of the insect work in "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" was heavy-handed and clumsily forced

Ff: Ha! Tell me one thing about that fiasco that wasn't clumsily forced! From Kate Capshaw's inclusion in the project to her half-assed emoting, I

Bc: but, if you'll just let me continue, I'd say that I, in general, have to agree. The snake scenes in "Raiders of the Lost Ark" , or, obviously, the rat work in "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade"... {rolls eyes upward in kitty ecstasy }

Ff: Oh! I agree completely! The rat work in "Last Crusade" is so lushly shot it verges on the pornographic! That Douglas Slocombe's cinematography didn't win an Oscar shows the obvious bias that the Academy has

Bc: If I could just interrupt a moment? I guess I feel that, with the shoddy critter work, Turteltaub, as a director, obviously has grown out of touch. It's like he just doesn't have any respect for his feline audience any more.

Ff: I couldn't agree more, but I have to say: if you interrupt me again, I'll scratch your crossed eyes out! {hissing, swatting, and biting ensues}





Honestly, who wouldn't want to watch a show like that?