I found myself feeling disoriented and adrift today, as though I'd lost my senses of place and proportion.
I was in a fast-food restaurant (I'm using the term "restaurant" loosely, here) and was looking at the size of the small items, and they, of course, were rather large. I then had a look at the large and "super" sizes and determined them to be huge-antic and gi-enormous, respectively.
From what I could see, the "small" items were as big as the largest size that had been available back when I was a young 'un. I guess, much in the same way that I think of everything's cost in terms of 1982 dollars, I'd been thinking of 1982 portions. Of course, I'd heard people complain about how big portions have become, but I guess I hadn't really given them much thought. I'd have to say that they are definitely out of control, though.
So, henceforth, I shall be adopting the fatdavid8-tric system of measurement. How does it work, you ask? Well, as I am of about average height, shoe-size, etc., everyone of my size shall henceforth be "medium". The amount of food that would fill me up shall also be "medium". People taller or larger and portions that make me feel slightly stuffed shall be "large"; people smaller and portions that leave me looking for a little desert, "small".
Of course, people significantly larger shall than be "giant-sized"; unless they're fatter than I am, in which case they shall be "fat-tub-of-goo-sized". People significantly smaller shall be "extra-small" or "petite", unless of course they verge on the tiny (for an example, see Snow or perhaps the lovely Erica and her wantonly pornographic pooch -- tough to tell how big she is in her pictures, though ... the dog, too), in which case they shall be designated "bite-" or "fun-sized".
I was in a fast-food restaurant (I'm using the term "restaurant" loosely, here) and was looking at the size of the small items, and they, of course, were rather large. I then had a look at the large and "super" sizes and determined them to be huge-antic and gi-enormous, respectively.
From what I could see, the "small" items were as big as the largest size that had been available back when I was a young 'un. I guess, much in the same way that I think of everything's cost in terms of 1982 dollars, I'd been thinking of 1982 portions. Of course, I'd heard people complain about how big portions have become, but I guess I hadn't really given them much thought. I'd have to say that they are definitely out of control, though.
So, henceforth, I shall be adopting the fatdavid8-tric system of measurement. How does it work, you ask? Well, as I am of about average height, shoe-size, etc., everyone of my size shall henceforth be "medium". The amount of food that would fill me up shall also be "medium". People taller or larger and portions that make me feel slightly stuffed shall be "large"; people smaller and portions that leave me looking for a little desert, "small".
Of course, people significantly larger shall than be "giant-sized"; unless they're fatter than I am, in which case they shall be "fat-tub-of-goo-sized". People significantly smaller shall be "extra-small" or "petite", unless of course they verge on the tiny (for an example, see Snow or perhaps the lovely Erica and her wantonly pornographic pooch -- tough to tell how big she is in her pictures, though ... the dog, too), in which case they shall be designated "bite-" or "fun-sized".