It's been a while, and nothing has improved.
Do you ever get to that point in life where you honestly don't know what's going to happen next? I'm not talking in a good, exciting sort of way...more of an "Oh my fucking god, how can it get worse?" type of way.
First off, I'm pretty sure, near convinced that I failed Music Business. I was getting an A at midterms, and as far as tests, attendance and shit I did really good, but I never turned in a final paper. I don't know how much that affects your grade, but I can't imagine it being very good. Last semester I went crazy and just decided to stop going to all but three of my classes and as a result I was put on academic probation. The school rules state that if you're put on academic probation in two consecutive semesters your enrollment is terminated. Failing a class is one of the many things that will put you on AP. Two plus two equals me not going to Madison Media Instititute.
In addition to that, my lease is up in August, and both my roommates are moving back in with their families to save money, and the rest of my friends either can't afford it, are too attached to hell (Sauk Prairie, WI) to leave, or are already in a lease. That leaves me with no potential roommates. It looks like I'm either going to have to move back with my parents (last resort) or find a place by myself.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I owe about 800 dollars to the Madison Police Department for outstanding tickets. Because of that I lost my license until May 2007 (or until I pay the tickets). I don't have 800 dollars lying around, and I know it's my fault, but god dammit it sucks.
Because of all that, my stress level has been at an all-time high the past few weeks, and it all led up to this:
A story from Friday night:
My friends drag me out a dance club, The Majestic. I figure since I don't want to be there, I'm going to drink A LOT. After a few Captain and Cokes and a Crack Pipe (Red Bull, Apple Pucker & Vodka...try it, damn good). I get to talking to this guy named Nick. After about 10 minutes he offers me a shot, so I happily oblige. He orders six shots of Jose Cuervo 1800 for me and his friends...now 1800 is not a cheap liqour, so I ask if he wants some money for it. To this he responds "It's no problem, it's not like I'm paying for it." I ask what he means and he says "Well, this is my place." Turns out the owner of the Majestic and four restaurants in Madison is buying me a drink. Sweet. In addition to this one of the bartenders is charging me half price for all my drinks...I'm on a roll.
Bartime rolls around and I run into Nick (the owner) again, and ask if he knows of any after-bars. With this he tells one of the bouncers to get me and my friends something (I didn't catch what he said) and the bouncer leaves. Five minutes later the bouncer returns with VIP passes for me and my friends. f***ing sweet right? We all order another round from half-priced drink guy and bathe in our total awesomeness. After a few minutes, a bouncer comes to kick us out of the club, so we all show him our passes.
[SCENE MISSING]
I'm sitting on my ass in the street with a crowd of about 30 people surrounding me, and both of my arms are f***ing killing me.
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So I talked to my roomate today, and he filled me in:
We all showed the bouncer our VIP passes, but the guy wouldn't take them, calling them fakes. I calmly said "Dude, Nick gave these to us, we're cool". To this he responded "Bullsh** he gave you those, get out before we have to force you out." My roommate said at this point I got very angry, called him a spineless prick and started walking away, when he grabbed me by the arm and told me to wait, he was calling the cops. I then pushed him off me, my friend Kyle started pulling me downstairs to the entrance, and all of a sudden the bouncer and about 4 other dudes tackled me, slammed my head to the ground and picked me up and threw me into the wall. All this time I was screaming "THE OWNER WANTS US HERE, GODDAMMIT LET ME GO"...They dragged me downstairs, out the door and threw me into the street.
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I'm really freaked out, because I specifically remember hitting the ground and thinking "What the f***? where am I?" It's not like I forgot the details over time, my brain literally shut off for those five minutes. Ever seen the Butterfly Effect? It's EXACTLY like that. One moment I'm there, next minute I'm not. I remember walking home and wondering why I was in such pain, having no idea all that sh** went down only minutes prior. I walked the completely wrong way home, stumbled upon a radio station, rang their buzzer for 5 minutes demanding they let me play a song, gave up and called a cab to get home.
I then got home and starting crying like a little fucking baby. I could not for the life of me stop the tears, my roommates and friends were trying to calm me down, but I was screaming and crying and all I could think about was school. It's not that I love MMI, I've made great friends, but the school isn't THAT great. It's just that I'm on the verge of failing yet another endeavor. First it was High School (They let me pass even though I was 3 points short of a D) then it was UW Milwaukee, just about every job I've had, and now this. What makes it worse is that I know I'm smart, in fact, I'm confident I'm smarter than just about everyone I know...not trying to be cocky, it's just kind of true. I'm just REALLY FUCKING LAZY.
So that's what is going on, as if any of you care. I just needed somewhere to vent.
Do you ever get to that point in life where you honestly don't know what's going to happen next? I'm not talking in a good, exciting sort of way...more of an "Oh my fucking god, how can it get worse?" type of way.
First off, I'm pretty sure, near convinced that I failed Music Business. I was getting an A at midterms, and as far as tests, attendance and shit I did really good, but I never turned in a final paper. I don't know how much that affects your grade, but I can't imagine it being very good. Last semester I went crazy and just decided to stop going to all but three of my classes and as a result I was put on academic probation. The school rules state that if you're put on academic probation in two consecutive semesters your enrollment is terminated. Failing a class is one of the many things that will put you on AP. Two plus two equals me not going to Madison Media Instititute.
In addition to that, my lease is up in August, and both my roommates are moving back in with their families to save money, and the rest of my friends either can't afford it, are too attached to hell (Sauk Prairie, WI) to leave, or are already in a lease. That leaves me with no potential roommates. It looks like I'm either going to have to move back with my parents (last resort) or find a place by myself.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I owe about 800 dollars to the Madison Police Department for outstanding tickets. Because of that I lost my license until May 2007 (or until I pay the tickets). I don't have 800 dollars lying around, and I know it's my fault, but god dammit it sucks.
Because of all that, my stress level has been at an all-time high the past few weeks, and it all led up to this:
A story from Friday night:
My friends drag me out a dance club, The Majestic. I figure since I don't want to be there, I'm going to drink A LOT. After a few Captain and Cokes and a Crack Pipe (Red Bull, Apple Pucker & Vodka...try it, damn good). I get to talking to this guy named Nick. After about 10 minutes he offers me a shot, so I happily oblige. He orders six shots of Jose Cuervo 1800 for me and his friends...now 1800 is not a cheap liqour, so I ask if he wants some money for it. To this he responds "It's no problem, it's not like I'm paying for it." I ask what he means and he says "Well, this is my place." Turns out the owner of the Majestic and four restaurants in Madison is buying me a drink. Sweet. In addition to this one of the bartenders is charging me half price for all my drinks...I'm on a roll.
Bartime rolls around and I run into Nick (the owner) again, and ask if he knows of any after-bars. With this he tells one of the bouncers to get me and my friends something (I didn't catch what he said) and the bouncer leaves. Five minutes later the bouncer returns with VIP passes for me and my friends. f***ing sweet right? We all order another round from half-priced drink guy and bathe in our total awesomeness. After a few minutes, a bouncer comes to kick us out of the club, so we all show him our passes.
[SCENE MISSING]
I'm sitting on my ass in the street with a crowd of about 30 people surrounding me, and both of my arms are f***ing killing me.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
So I talked to my roomate today, and he filled me in:
We all showed the bouncer our VIP passes, but the guy wouldn't take them, calling them fakes. I calmly said "Dude, Nick gave these to us, we're cool". To this he responded "Bullsh** he gave you those, get out before we have to force you out." My roommate said at this point I got very angry, called him a spineless prick and started walking away, when he grabbed me by the arm and told me to wait, he was calling the cops. I then pushed him off me, my friend Kyle started pulling me downstairs to the entrance, and all of a sudden the bouncer and about 4 other dudes tackled me, slammed my head to the ground and picked me up and threw me into the wall. All this time I was screaming "THE OWNER WANTS US HERE, GODDAMMIT LET ME GO"...They dragged me downstairs, out the door and threw me into the street.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm really freaked out, because I specifically remember hitting the ground and thinking "What the f***? where am I?" It's not like I forgot the details over time, my brain literally shut off for those five minutes. Ever seen the Butterfly Effect? It's EXACTLY like that. One moment I'm there, next minute I'm not. I remember walking home and wondering why I was in such pain, having no idea all that sh** went down only minutes prior. I walked the completely wrong way home, stumbled upon a radio station, rang their buzzer for 5 minutes demanding they let me play a song, gave up and called a cab to get home.
I then got home and starting crying like a little fucking baby. I could not for the life of me stop the tears, my roommates and friends were trying to calm me down, but I was screaming and crying and all I could think about was school. It's not that I love MMI, I've made great friends, but the school isn't THAT great. It's just that I'm on the verge of failing yet another endeavor. First it was High School (They let me pass even though I was 3 points short of a D) then it was UW Milwaukee, just about every job I've had, and now this. What makes it worse is that I know I'm smart, in fact, I'm confident I'm smarter than just about everyone I know...not trying to be cocky, it's just kind of true. I'm just REALLY FUCKING LAZY.
So that's what is going on, as if any of you care. I just needed somewhere to vent.
jitterbug:
Im really sorry to hear all of that. I've been going through some shit myself, but I just have to try and keep in mind that it can't get any worse and that things will get better eventually, sooner than later would be nice. My lease is up in Aug as well Ugh..... If I would of rembered you were from WI I would have givin you a call. I was up there about four weeks ago, I stayed in this cheap little Motel I believe It was Pauls Motel, I went up there to meet with a photographer. I might be going back in a couple of mts or so perhaps we can go out and get a drink or something? Take care sweetie things will get better I promise. 
jitterbug:
Nah, Im not insane, He's a good photographer and it was well worth the trip We took only about a 1000 more photos those are just samples. Plus the trip wasn't as bad as I thought only about 8 hrs. I look at life this way if there is something I want to do I will do it life is way to short to sit around on my ass 
I hope all is well, Take care ok?
I hope all is well, Take care ok?