farceprophet

dammit i am sick on new years. how rediculous is this. i am supposed to go to 2 parties tonight. i won't be drinking, but i will try to have fun . ok....so i am breaking one of my cardinal rules with a friend of mine. she is just supposed to be one of my friends with benifits sort of fling, but i am totally crushing on her. i told her and she is very understanding. she doesn't want a relationship but she still wants to have fun with me. i dunno what to do? so confurzed. i don't need to be with anyone but i can't help the way i feel. hell we tried to have fun the other night and things didn't quite work out down there for me if you know what i am saying. it could be that i am still sick or that my mind was too busy thinking about this situation. she was all cool and understanding and said that she would like to try again.....argghhhhh!!!! this has never happened to me before. and i don't know why i am posting all of this in my journal. i guess i am hoping that one of you will understand. this girl just makes me melt everytime i am around her. she is the best kisser i have ever met too. i love to kiss and it is soo rare that girls will kiss you with as much passion as she does when they don't feel for you in that sort of way. plus she is about 7 years older than i am .....which is awesome because i am tired of younger immature women.....not to say that all women who are younger than i am are immature......but mainly just the ones that i know are. well i going to try and shake this fever so i can be half-way decent to try and go out later.