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fancyd

Member Since 2006

Followers 182 Following 432

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Wednesday Jul 12, 2006

Jul 12, 2006
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the strongest of the strange

you won't see them often
for wherever the crowd is
they
are not.

these odd ones, not
many
but from them
come
the few
good paintings
the few
good symphonies
the few
good books
and other
works.

and from the
best of the
strange ones
perhaps
nothing.

they are
their own
paintings
their own
books
their own
music
their own
work.

sometimes I think see
them


say a certain old
man
sitting on a
certain bench
in a certain
way.

or
a quick face
going the other
way
in a passing
automobile

or
there's a certain motion
of the hands
of the bag-boy or a bag-
girl
while packing
supermarket
groceries.

sometimes
it is even somebody
you have been
living with
for some
time--
you will notice
a
lightning quick
glance
never seen



from them
before.

sometimes
you will only note
their
existence
suddenly
in
vivid
recall
some months
some years
after they are
gone.

I remember
such a
one--
[s]he was about
20 years old


drunk at
10 a.m.[p.m.]
staring into
a cracked
New Orleans
mirror.

face dreaming
against the
walls of
the world.

Where
did
I go?

~ Charles Bukowski

SPOILERS! (Click to view)
Funny how the writings of a middle age drunk should resonate so deeply within me. Run with the Hunted has been my personal bible since I pulled it out of a dumpster 10+ years ago. Yeah, I used to dumpster dive for books, not much else to do when your poor.

I am so salty right now, no amt. of butter is going to correct my feelings this second. I know, I know, wheres the happy clappy optimistic Fancy? Dont forget folks, I am human, I have bad days too. This whole fucked up annoyed feeling started a few weeks ago. Luminias and I had an argument. The type of argument that can only be had in the parking lot of a strip joint at 3 in the morning. The type of argument that only Luminias and I can have. He is one of the few ppl in the world who can bring out the cruelty in me. We screamed until we were hoarse, the bouncer kept walkin by to make sure we didnt throttle eachother, funnily enough they never interrupted, guess they feared for their own safetywe havent spoken sinceI think some of the truth revealed will take time to digest. I know I have been digesting..and dealing
...I dont mind that life is so crazy, hell I knew what I was getting into weeks ago, it is just the ppl around me, the voice mails, the e-mails, the text messageswhere are you?well fuck where do you think I am?, either at school or at one of two jobs, and yes I am coping just fine thank you. I do unfortunately spend entirely too much time on this bloody site, but it is easier than opening the mail, why do I even get mail anyways, I pay everything onlineand doing laundry, why do I have to change clothes at least 2x a day?, not by choice but more out of necessity, I juggle many different roles..and have to change shoes often..

I hate to even waste energy griping, but today at school, these girls behind me were making so much noise and as it is it takes all my energy and concentration to do my accounting, and they were laughing and bitching saying who cares if they flunk this class, so what.well go bitch outside please. I paid good money for this class and I care if I dont get an A. I have to pull straight As the next 2 quarters to get back on scholarship and believe you me, I feel the pressure. And then they start bitching and laughing and bitching, aww shucks dude, I have to work both Friday and Saturday.cry me a fucking river !!! I alost turned around and told them to grow u, but what would be the point, they will, we all do.I have to work 10 hour shifts on Thursday & Friday and doubles on Saturday and Sunday, yeah that;s right, I manage to squeeze about 50 hours into 4 days, and have being doing so for weeks. I dont mean to complainlife is what it is.and the way it is, is not ideal, but it is better than some days. I am trying to change it, but right now things are not falling into place, and that drives me crazy. I am used to things going the way I envision thembut, the hand you hold can also hold you down, but no worries, I have dealt with more strenuous hours, and this will pass. But I still feel salty about everything, must be the full moon or something.anyways..I guess I will go get some sleep, red wine makes me sleep with the godsand the grapes on the vine outside are starting to get sweet, I made sure to grab a bunch tonight, they are either super tart or slightly sweetkinda like life right now...little balls of promises.hurry up September !!



Peace,

D.
ooo aaa ooo aaa

VIEW 22 of 22 COMMENTS
ragirocks79:
whats that cat and flying fish painting about?
Jul 15, 2006
thearcanecircle:
Wow. That was beautiful. We all have those days as you said and It is almost reassuring to see your friends there. And that is not at all reassuring in a gi'm glad your sucking at the moement sort of way. It more of a it lets me know your human and can get personal sort of way. It is good to see when I know they are strong enough to take on anything as in this case.
And i had never heard of Charles Bukowski before now, but if that is any taste of how he writes I certainly want to read more.

I posted new pictures in my pics section too btw.
Jul 16, 2006

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