fallingvictim

so i am on my only second week of tour and the shit is allready hitting the roof. pretty much everything is going great. the shows, the guys in the band and the hospitality of others has been grand! but here is the kicker, i left my meds back at a fella's house in Baton Rugue and i am freaking out. i can not sleep, i am having anxiety attacks and my allergies are fucking killing me! i was going to go this whole tour without drinking and i had to break my stride last night. we played in a huge bar that was completly filled with people. for a band this is a god thing, tons of people to come see the show! but no i felt like i was being stomped on, i was not able to last but two minutes within the crowd of rock hunger drinkers. so i had to speed walk over to the bar grab me two beers and down them as fast as humanly possible. this did of course help but not much.

i hate how i can not be around people i do not know. i mean i love to go out do things, meet people, make new friends but if i have no pills, i have no way out of this shell. it is killing me, what is wrong with my brain? oh plus a lot of my little ocd habbit's are kickin' in, so i have no idea what i am going to do.

the funny thing is, is that while his does plague my body and mind, i am enjoying myself more than i have in a long time. i am being free and able to just do whatever i want. life is good, i have no need to bitch anymore!