mmmmmmmmm
ok so in this life of wanting and needing and having confusing emotions,things are never as clear as i hoped them to be. why is it when i get around a bunch of people i do not know i shut up like a hermit. i become this guy over in the corner who prob. has a look of disgust on his face. i mean is it normal to just go out to a bar or club and just start talking to people. looking for that one that who have some sort of connection with for oh about two minutes.
i find this odd! do i like to party, yes. do i like to go out and drink and dance and enjoy life, of course i do. but it is just strange how intreverted i become when i am around people i do not know. this even sometimes flows over to friends and would -be friends. i could have someone ask me to call them because they want to hang out with me. first, inside this makes me happy. second, i become this ball of confusion, wondering when i should call or thinking that this person prob. allready has something to do so i wont even ask.
while writing the thought of " holy shit man, get some balls michael", comes to my mind. and it is true. in my ever day life i do what i want to do, but what i just wrote makes me sound like an insecure boy who has attachment issue's. but then i ponder even deeper and think about how i love to be alone. have close friends and even closer friends that i do not have to worry about a relationship happening. so i love being a loner but i hat being alone!
wow, so there it is! i think that is the first time i have ever said that, see what writing your thoughts down can do for ya kids! but this is the paradox, the killer, the curse of i do not know what.
on one side i want a beautiful wife and a son and a child or two that we adopted. we could live in a mid-class house on the east side of austin. we would not be rich but we would be able to survive and allow our kids to do what they wished. i would be the traveling artist, she would be my support, my best friend.
now on the flip side(honesty here)! i would love to just have a relationship where i do not have to worry about having to make sure i call my girl everyday at three and anytime we go out we must be on eachothers arms. a girl that would enjoy my friendship but with special benifits! basically, a girlfriend but with no commitmint. gene simmons for example, if you will!
but alas, the problem lies here with the sencond option. i love to love and be in love. the second option does not allow you to get that emotionally involved. so maybe the second option is the best for me! i believe that i am not ready to truely love someone in the way love is to be treated. i know i would misstreat it, hold it like a bird wanting to fly away. i would give it no freedom, so in that i would choke the life out of love! i need to learn how to love!
one thing i do love is my new boots!
ok so in this life of wanting and needing and having confusing emotions,things are never as clear as i hoped them to be. why is it when i get around a bunch of people i do not know i shut up like a hermit. i become this guy over in the corner who prob. has a look of disgust on his face. i mean is it normal to just go out to a bar or club and just start talking to people. looking for that one that who have some sort of connection with for oh about two minutes.
i find this odd! do i like to party, yes. do i like to go out and drink and dance and enjoy life, of course i do. but it is just strange how intreverted i become when i am around people i do not know. this even sometimes flows over to friends and would -be friends. i could have someone ask me to call them because they want to hang out with me. first, inside this makes me happy. second, i become this ball of confusion, wondering when i should call or thinking that this person prob. allready has something to do so i wont even ask.
while writing the thought of " holy shit man, get some balls michael", comes to my mind. and it is true. in my ever day life i do what i want to do, but what i just wrote makes me sound like an insecure boy who has attachment issue's. but then i ponder even deeper and think about how i love to be alone. have close friends and even closer friends that i do not have to worry about a relationship happening. so i love being a loner but i hat being alone!
wow, so there it is! i think that is the first time i have ever said that, see what writing your thoughts down can do for ya kids! but this is the paradox, the killer, the curse of i do not know what.
on one side i want a beautiful wife and a son and a child or two that we adopted. we could live in a mid-class house on the east side of austin. we would not be rich but we would be able to survive and allow our kids to do what they wished. i would be the traveling artist, she would be my support, my best friend.
now on the flip side(honesty here)! i would love to just have a relationship where i do not have to worry about having to make sure i call my girl everyday at three and anytime we go out we must be on eachothers arms. a girl that would enjoy my friendship but with special benifits! basically, a girlfriend but with no commitmint. gene simmons for example, if you will!
but alas, the problem lies here with the sencond option. i love to love and be in love. the second option does not allow you to get that emotionally involved. so maybe the second option is the best for me! i believe that i am not ready to truely love someone in the way love is to be treated. i know i would misstreat it, hold it like a bird wanting to fly away. i would give it no freedom, so in that i would choke the life out of love! i need to learn how to love!
one thing i do love is my new boots!
ps, i like your hair in your photo.