Stoned, drunk, and feeling better than I have in years.
Going to the doctor tommorow about continuing my meds and my apparent anemia. I told him I was just being 21.
I'm a pill kid, but I feel so much better. I've never been the pill kid, it's always been my other friends. But now I'm on four different meds, and possibly another depending on how my ADD test goes (ha).
I feel like a different person. Like, the real, insane, ADD can't pay attention to more than one thing for more than 10 seconds- Jon split from the rest of Jon. I used to be a guy with a crazy head, but now I don't recognize myself.
I'm just starting to internalize this whole new way of looking at life I've fell into. In the chaos and disorder and unstructured flux that is life and reality and nature, we're the lump in the pattern that makes up the smallest percentile... the top of the bell on the bell curve. Rocks and boulders get strewn out across the world for billions of years, and then people come along and a couple of them, with the perfect randomness of chaos being the only motivation behind it, some of those boulders look like faces! Woohoo!
So, out of the pure randomness of chaos and reality, most things are dead, but at some point some of them fluxuated to the top of the bell curve and became the biological level of patterns, and a new bell curve was formed, and the top mutant percentile of that walked, and keep fucking with the top chunk of the bell curve for a couple billion years, and all the sudden you have an intellectual pattern built on a social pattern built on a biological pattern built on an inorganiz pattern that is the mess we call a human, an animal that has the development to process in it's sentience it's own existance. We're the only animal that's turned around and realized it's an animal. We're the only metacognition (thinking about thinking)- animal that at one point was the apex of the stacked bell curves from the beginning of time until that point. The immaculate, perfect order to ever come out of an infinite chaos that exponentially multiples in levels the broader you get.
And not only that, we're lonely. God is humanity's imaginary friend, and we haven't quite grown up yet. We still need him for a little while longer.
Think of the entire race of humanity. Trace our history, beginning to now, and look at the events compared to what might be going on in the life of a growing child. What years they start being violent, start really fighting, start being emotional and loving, start being rebellious. Each human being is a microcosm of his or her entire race.
And when you look at it like that, we're still pre-pubescent adolescents who still kinda sorta need their imaginary friends to be around every once in a while.
The adult worled is a scary place. So much responsibility. So much to experience and to know. No one to hold your hand anymore, no one to tell you what to do. It's a whole ned world of experiences that you don't know if you're ready for, but you're slowly being pushed into.
The greatest tragedy of all time is the point in time where man realized he could die.
Going to the doctor tommorow about continuing my meds and my apparent anemia. I told him I was just being 21.
I'm a pill kid, but I feel so much better. I've never been the pill kid, it's always been my other friends. But now I'm on four different meds, and possibly another depending on how my ADD test goes (ha).
I feel like a different person. Like, the real, insane, ADD can't pay attention to more than one thing for more than 10 seconds- Jon split from the rest of Jon. I used to be a guy with a crazy head, but now I don't recognize myself.
I'm just starting to internalize this whole new way of looking at life I've fell into. In the chaos and disorder and unstructured flux that is life and reality and nature, we're the lump in the pattern that makes up the smallest percentile... the top of the bell on the bell curve. Rocks and boulders get strewn out across the world for billions of years, and then people come along and a couple of them, with the perfect randomness of chaos being the only motivation behind it, some of those boulders look like faces! Woohoo!
So, out of the pure randomness of chaos and reality, most things are dead, but at some point some of them fluxuated to the top of the bell curve and became the biological level of patterns, and a new bell curve was formed, and the top mutant percentile of that walked, and keep fucking with the top chunk of the bell curve for a couple billion years, and all the sudden you have an intellectual pattern built on a social pattern built on a biological pattern built on an inorganiz pattern that is the mess we call a human, an animal that has the development to process in it's sentience it's own existance. We're the only animal that's turned around and realized it's an animal. We're the only metacognition (thinking about thinking)- animal that at one point was the apex of the stacked bell curves from the beginning of time until that point. The immaculate, perfect order to ever come out of an infinite chaos that exponentially multiples in levels the broader you get.
And not only that, we're lonely. God is humanity's imaginary friend, and we haven't quite grown up yet. We still need him for a little while longer.
Think of the entire race of humanity. Trace our history, beginning to now, and look at the events compared to what might be going on in the life of a growing child. What years they start being violent, start really fighting, start being emotional and loving, start being rebellious. Each human being is a microcosm of his or her entire race.
And when you look at it like that, we're still pre-pubescent adolescents who still kinda sorta need their imaginary friends to be around every once in a while.
The adult worled is a scary place. So much responsibility. So much to experience and to know. No one to hold your hand anymore, no one to tell you what to do. It's a whole ned world of experiences that you don't know if you're ready for, but you're slowly being pushed into.
The greatest tragedy of all time is the point in time where man realized he could die.