I'm going to make it.
It's amazing what some cleaning can do. I feel refreshed and ready to go.
I still struggle with the "i'm trash" conditioning my upbringing has instilled in me. My mother knew smoking would kill her, you see. She smoked, so she killed herself. she committed suicide rather than watch me grow up. my dad hated me, so he shipped me off to whoever. when the two people who above all are supposed to love you and cherish you, decide you aren't worth it, it kind of does a number on your confidence.
Abandonment. Everyone you love will either reject you or die.
It's hard to stop listening to that kind of thinking. It's really hard for me to see myself any other way. why would someone like me? it's a constant question and rather than list my positive points I list the names of those who left me. I'm a glutton for self abuse.
I'm so scared of being alone, of things continuing the way they do. All I ever wanted was a normal life. worst of all, I'm afraid that even if I did make that connection with someone that my inexperience would turn her off. I don't know how to be confident. I don't even understand the concept. all my life I've had and been a continual failure. I've got nothing to be proud of.
I just hope I can change things.
It's amazing what some cleaning can do. I feel refreshed and ready to go.
I still struggle with the "i'm trash" conditioning my upbringing has instilled in me. My mother knew smoking would kill her, you see. She smoked, so she killed herself. she committed suicide rather than watch me grow up. my dad hated me, so he shipped me off to whoever. when the two people who above all are supposed to love you and cherish you, decide you aren't worth it, it kind of does a number on your confidence.
Abandonment. Everyone you love will either reject you or die.
It's hard to stop listening to that kind of thinking. It's really hard for me to see myself any other way. why would someone like me? it's a constant question and rather than list my positive points I list the names of those who left me. I'm a glutton for self abuse.
I'm so scared of being alone, of things continuing the way they do. All I ever wanted was a normal life. worst of all, I'm afraid that even if I did make that connection with someone that my inexperience would turn her off. I don't know how to be confident. I don't even understand the concept. all my life I've had and been a continual failure. I've got nothing to be proud of.
I just hope I can change things.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
I know how you feel, 'cos I've been through it myself. The last few months have taught me a lot, though, 'cos I've been miles from home and all the comfort and tricks I use to make people like me. Somehow I've made friends here and I know that it's because people like me for who I am, not what I do.
Dude, you haven't done anything for me here apart from showing you care, but I still consider you a great guy.
Trust me, people can just tell.