fallen1carus

i am the happiest i've been in a long time. i know y'all are probably tired of hearing how awesome mat is, judging from how disgusted my significant-other-less friends are at how cute we are. but shit, that's what i wanna talk about.

when you wake up in the morning and he's made cinnamon rolls,
when you got cramps and he rubs your tummy,
when you wake up next to a warm cuddly body,
when he lets you shave designs in his hair,
when he gets you star trek watercolor books for christmas,
and sends you 6 letters while you're out of the country,
when he holds your hand at the movies and tears the gummi worms open with his teeth cause you're too uncoordinated to manage it in the dark....

well, it's sick. sickeningly sweet and i fuckin' love it.

and i wish that everyone could find somebody so wonderful.

coming back to the computer after being weaned makes these online communities seem kinda petty... a lot of this is group-specific, but there is so much speculation on sg about past members and zotting and trash talk... talking behind people's backs... all the "oh yeah, i never liked her" once she's gone, but you never could have said it to her face.

honesty, dignity, humanity... ugh.

i'd like to believe in karma.

oh yeah, and belize... it was nice. we spent the first week in punta gorda, kayaking, caving, hiking, biking, swimming. then to placencia on the beaches, and tubing and hiking. then to a little island for 5 days where i read clan of the cave bear for a long time and played with a cute puppy and drank craboo liquor (the "hairy cherry").

then i came home, and mat spent the day with my family, and for once, they really like someone i'm dating.

and... on thursday my roommate and i are going to get our nips pierced.

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oh yes, and also, i had this dream last night. i was in my parents' house, and they were having a party. i was messing around with an ex but not really wanting to. suddenly he turned around and shoved his butt in my general direction, and said "come on, do me." he had a huge, gaping vagina, and a slightly stretched out asshole, which repulsed me. i went into the living room and shared hazelnut wafers with my roommate.

i went upstairs and a little boy told me he lost his wings. he said "you saw me come in with them. where are they?" so i went to search for them with my father.

on our way through the snow we take a road that leads us to another world where humans are persecuted. there's a feeling of deja vu as we're almost hit by a car. we go to get medical attention, because for some reason we are hurt.

the office is secret. you can get in a lot of trouble for helping humans. i try on a red stiletto boot, and the receptionist tells me that anyone who tries on both shoes of the pair is never heard from again. i look at my dad and say "well, it's a little loose, and too flashy for me anyway."

the nurse comes in with cookie dough ice cream for my dad and blue moon with bubble gum for me. then she says we'll have to separate in order for her to treat us. and i run out. i won't do that. my dad runs after me, but before he leaves the nurse breaks off three aloe leaves and tells him to put them on my cuts.

my dad and i swim in a manmade channel until we get to another underground clinic. only this one is run by nala and my friend ashley. and it's also a brothel. suddenly nala is on top of me, and i'm trying to tell her that i just need help. my dad is reading a letter that she has in her hand and she gets very angry at him. she's going to call the police and have us killed. i yell "ashley! it's me!" but she's only 6 years old, and she doesn't remember me. she has a rainbow tattoo on her hand, and i think 6 is a little young for that.

then i wake up.