fallen1carus

i hate my fucking phone line. it goes out a few times a day. when this happens the computer freezes up, i lose whatever i'm doing, and have to restart and unplug the phone from the jack and then plug it back in. then i'm good for at least another half an hour.

grrrrrrrrrrr.

i accidentally dyed my hair neon orange yesterday. i felt like a fucking clown. Imogen helped me cut it tonight and i dyed over the shit and it's all good now.

i had a dream the other night where i was in a beautiful garden. there was a tree with big deep red flowers that were mesmerizing. people from all over the world came to the garden to worship and see the tree. it was special because the shape of an eye was clearly grown into the trunk. it seemed to be a miracle. there were statues all around it with the eye engraved, and people left offerings on the ground nearby.

i got in closer and touched the tree. i saw the eye. it was overwhelming. i was drawn in and i looked closer. and i saw that it was not an eye at all, but a scar in the tree where someone had cut off a branch in its earlier years.

i showed everyone that it was just a scar in the trunk... it wasn't an eye, it wasn't a miracle. an indian woman looked at me with such hopelessness that i wished i hadn't said anything. i ruined it for everyone. but i couldn't let them go on believing something that wasn't true...