fallen1carus

I am with my dad on vacation somewhere near the ocean. We are riding on the water in something that is not quite a boat. As we near the shore we have to leave it and go through some water that is enclosed by fencing below the surface. I keep my legs up high while going through so fish dont get at them. My dad makes fun of me and tells me that the fencing already keeps the fish out. But you never know, I say.

Then we are on the shore looking at shells in the sand. You want to take some home? my dad says.

Yes, but big ones this time. I have so many small ones from before.

He says We can do that. And then I see that near us are two large conch shells perfectly in tact. I touch one and notice that it is soft and scaly. Then I see its eye, and its mouth. Its a fish.

Blood is seeping from its mouth and I see the body pulse slowly. Its still alive. Its gross but I take it with me anyway, knowing it will die soon and the shell will harden.

I get the fish back to my apartment and put on my hair dye gloves. I wash it in the kitchen sink. As I press on its belly, more blood comes out the mouth. I release pressure on the belly to make it suck in water, to clean out the insides. Water in, blood out. And its still alive, just a little bit. It stinks and I feel awful doing this while its alive. The thing hates me. Its too weak to struggle.

But then I hear its voice inside my head.

Why dont you just squeeze me til I puke my guts out? Why dont you just do it? Just squeeze me til I puke my guts out!

I try to ignore the voice and keep flushing out the blood with water. But I find myself inadvertently squeezing harder and harder. Hes screaming inside my head WHY DONT YOU SQUEEZE ME TIL I PUKE MY GUTS OUT?!

And then I crack. I scream out loud: FINE THEN. I WILL! And I push on him and he pukes up blood and organs in the sink. Theyre all over my dishes and my gloves are covered in blood. Fucking fish.