Ok, heres a rant for you all. And to the people who know me ha ha ha, people know me? Aw shit I wish!
Anyway I hate the Mall, the fucking Zombies who mindlessly stumble from overpriced shit shop to overpriced sweat shop, drive me up the wall. Now for the most part I try to steer clear, but since the A&B sound has gone the way of my last update, I am forced to deal with the shopper shenanigans.
Today Im going to touch on escalators, I know youve all seen the comedian who goes off about them being amusement park rides, but I am not fucking amused! I hate these fucking things, you get the fat bitches who take up the whole fucking thing, and dont even think about trying to squeeze by in the TD mall or youll be propelled into the four story abyss. I may be mistaken but this thing wasnt invented for fatties to enjoy a 30 sec shopping workout rest! I dont want to get side tracked into imagining a workout routine along these lines so Ill leave it up to you reader(s). I especially hate going up them. I once came this close to getting ass in the face and I was still six steps away! So anyway, yesterday Im off to HMV for the Third day in a row, yup there was still nothing new from the first, but a junkie is a junkie! I barely break out of the Bays Liz Arden event, (picture your grandma and all of her pink haired friends thrusting walkers and what have you at every turn! Indiana never had it that bad!). I just got out of the doors and Im already timing the people getting on the escalator to prep for my merge. Im getting close and alls clear, but out of nowhere comes a mother daughter duo, hands full of crap they obviously didnt pick up in this part of the mall to foil my full speed entry. Tap tap tap go the fingers on my unclenched hand, visions of their plotting dancing in my head, Ramenstien comes on the Pod and Im ready to start chucking corpses overboard, those of you who have no belief in a God, this is Humour at its most divine! Literally tapping my fingers with my foot playing back up, Ive had enough. To no one in particular, I mutter something along the lines of not paying ride tickets for this event, and all I get is a dry sarcastic smile. Not even a satisfying Fuck you to alleviate my plot paranoia! So I get off the escalator pick off my pace and alls well with the world once again. I pass Bannana Republic without incident, other then indecisive high maintenance Asian hoochies fretting over seasonal colours. Then the hallway slims down to a width of FOUR abreast, but of course there just happens to be Three Jocks walking side by side blocking the whole hall. I have to pass them before they make it to the escalator ( the SportsMart is on the same level as the HMV) luckily there is an open place for people to sit down ( again with the resting zones for the rigorous shopping routine) so it provides room to maneuver. These guys must have been Hockey players or something because I swear they had eyes in the back of their heads, they kept out deeking me. So I did what any out numbered enraged asshole would do, I kicked the chair in the rest zone out of the way and booked it through the sweet spot for a pass on the outside. Now my only obstacle was the lotto booth just before the escalator, no one on this side I pick up my pace. I try to cheat and cut time by going the inside by the pillar, fuck no not today thank you! A lady waiting to foil my plans, I adjust to keep from running into her backside, but she shuffles to the right as well, I try to cut back inside, another shuffle and Im two stepping with grandma in a trench coat. Yup that was me dancing with some older ladies ass yesterday! I finally break loose and the jocks are right in front of me, standing side by side. I gave up and seriously contemplated leaping over the side, but with my luck I would have landed on someone.
Tune in next week for the conclusion of escalator Frenzy!
Anyway I hate the Mall, the fucking Zombies who mindlessly stumble from overpriced shit shop to overpriced sweat shop, drive me up the wall. Now for the most part I try to steer clear, but since the A&B sound has gone the way of my last update, I am forced to deal with the shopper shenanigans.
Today Im going to touch on escalators, I know youve all seen the comedian who goes off about them being amusement park rides, but I am not fucking amused! I hate these fucking things, you get the fat bitches who take up the whole fucking thing, and dont even think about trying to squeeze by in the TD mall or youll be propelled into the four story abyss. I may be mistaken but this thing wasnt invented for fatties to enjoy a 30 sec shopping workout rest! I dont want to get side tracked into imagining a workout routine along these lines so Ill leave it up to you reader(s). I especially hate going up them. I once came this close to getting ass in the face and I was still six steps away! So anyway, yesterday Im off to HMV for the Third day in a row, yup there was still nothing new from the first, but a junkie is a junkie! I barely break out of the Bays Liz Arden event, (picture your grandma and all of her pink haired friends thrusting walkers and what have you at every turn! Indiana never had it that bad!). I just got out of the doors and Im already timing the people getting on the escalator to prep for my merge. Im getting close and alls clear, but out of nowhere comes a mother daughter duo, hands full of crap they obviously didnt pick up in this part of the mall to foil my full speed entry. Tap tap tap go the fingers on my unclenched hand, visions of their plotting dancing in my head, Ramenstien comes on the Pod and Im ready to start chucking corpses overboard, those of you who have no belief in a God, this is Humour at its most divine! Literally tapping my fingers with my foot playing back up, Ive had enough. To no one in particular, I mutter something along the lines of not paying ride tickets for this event, and all I get is a dry sarcastic smile. Not even a satisfying Fuck you to alleviate my plot paranoia! So I get off the escalator pick off my pace and alls well with the world once again. I pass Bannana Republic without incident, other then indecisive high maintenance Asian hoochies fretting over seasonal colours. Then the hallway slims down to a width of FOUR abreast, but of course there just happens to be Three Jocks walking side by side blocking the whole hall. I have to pass them before they make it to the escalator ( the SportsMart is on the same level as the HMV) luckily there is an open place for people to sit down ( again with the resting zones for the rigorous shopping routine) so it provides room to maneuver. These guys must have been Hockey players or something because I swear they had eyes in the back of their heads, they kept out deeking me. So I did what any out numbered enraged asshole would do, I kicked the chair in the rest zone out of the way and booked it through the sweet spot for a pass on the outside. Now my only obstacle was the lotto booth just before the escalator, no one on this side I pick up my pace. I try to cheat and cut time by going the inside by the pillar, fuck no not today thank you! A lady waiting to foil my plans, I adjust to keep from running into her backside, but she shuffles to the right as well, I try to cut back inside, another shuffle and Im two stepping with grandma in a trench coat. Yup that was me dancing with some older ladies ass yesterday! I finally break loose and the jocks are right in front of me, standing side by side. I gave up and seriously contemplated leaping over the side, but with my luck I would have landed on someone.
Tune in next week for the conclusion of escalator Frenzy!
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xoxo me
Kisses