I've been a bit absent lately due to some good and not-so-good reasons, but I just thought I'd let you guys know that on Sunday night my partner and I decided that we were no longer going to move through this world 'together'. It was/is a joint decision that we have made out of mutual respect for each other; and our differing values, attitudes and beliefs. Things are going to be hard--and have been hard--for quite some time I think, as we have spent the majority of the last decade together--we have grown together, learnt together, lived together, dreamed together... It's hard to even type this to be honest and at the moment I just feel the greatest sense of loss.
My love for this man--and his love for me--has shown us that we can't just keep hurting and resenting each other for the rest of our lives; and so, we're both going to move forwards separately. We will retain our friendship; and the friendships of those around us; because neither of us wants to cut each other out entirely, nor do we want the people in our lives to feel like they have to 'choose' between us--we do not want to be immature or see those around us reduced to that level of immaturity.
Due to financial reasons, we will remain living together for the time being--in separate rooms--until certain matters can be sorted. I think this will be hard too because it means we'll still be seeing and talking to each other almost every single day. When the time comes for him to move out--that's when I think everything is going to hit me the hardest.
My depression and anxiety are undoubtedly messing with me a bit at the moment too, although I seem to have it all mostly under control. I'm not at the stage where I'm bawling my eyes out without warning in weird places yet, so that's a plus.
But anyway, it's just me now, and I don't know how I feel about that right now--except a bit lost and heartbroken. I'm sure that--with time--I will be okay.
Faeviel xxx
