I just finished the book ive been reading, The Da Vinci Code, I think im the last person on the planet to read it, but I liked it, very Indiana Jones like, but good fun.
Its my day off again, I have a lot of days off now that I don't really have a job. I got fired a few months ago, which sucked and Ive had no luck getting a new job and I find myself more and more depressed about my useless state. For anyone who has never been fired, try not avoid it, its horrible, especially if its what you thought should be your carreer, getting fired really crushes ones ego. So I'm just Christmas help right now, which is ok,but Im kinda broke. Its going to be a cheap christmas is this keeps on.
Last night my partner was telling me how they talked about me in his psych class, but actually they were talking about depression. Yeah, I get it, you think Im depressed, but so whats the solution. Its hard to feel talented when you get fired from doing what you had faith in yourself for. and well, because there is also this growing void between my partner and myself. I just dont feel like he wants me, I know after a couple starts living together, the sparks sometimes go out a bit, but this is too dim. I dont feel great about myself already and this only makes me feel uglier which Im sure is sending signals to my partner of nonsexiness from me.
Vicious cycle really, but I think its hurting us.
I worry because in a lot of my long term relationships I end up feeling like a friend to my boyfriend and then I get dumped. I usually get some line where they tell me that I dont send off any usual girl signals/vibes because I like girls too much instead. I generally consider myself to be bisexual, but I worry that maybe I am too close to the lesbian side, bisexuals always get picked on,(by both sides, too gay to be straight, too straight to be gay) we get called indecisive, can't admit being totally gay, experimental, LUG (thats lesbian until graduation by the way), and my all time favorite usually goes something like, "wow, so you'll do everyone and anyone then right?!"
Well anyways, Im getting off track, the point is that Im really worried that Im causing this rift between us. I feel like I need to find myself but Im lost and now I dont know what to do, but I feel like something isnt right...
Its my day off again, I have a lot of days off now that I don't really have a job. I got fired a few months ago, which sucked and Ive had no luck getting a new job and I find myself more and more depressed about my useless state. For anyone who has never been fired, try not avoid it, its horrible, especially if its what you thought should be your carreer, getting fired really crushes ones ego. So I'm just Christmas help right now, which is ok,but Im kinda broke. Its going to be a cheap christmas is this keeps on.
Last night my partner was telling me how they talked about me in his psych class, but actually they were talking about depression. Yeah, I get it, you think Im depressed, but so whats the solution. Its hard to feel talented when you get fired from doing what you had faith in yourself for. and well, because there is also this growing void between my partner and myself. I just dont feel like he wants me, I know after a couple starts living together, the sparks sometimes go out a bit, but this is too dim. I dont feel great about myself already and this only makes me feel uglier which Im sure is sending signals to my partner of nonsexiness from me.
Vicious cycle really, but I think its hurting us.
I worry because in a lot of my long term relationships I end up feeling like a friend to my boyfriend and then I get dumped. I usually get some line where they tell me that I dont send off any usual girl signals/vibes because I like girls too much instead. I generally consider myself to be bisexual, but I worry that maybe I am too close to the lesbian side, bisexuals always get picked on,(by both sides, too gay to be straight, too straight to be gay) we get called indecisive, can't admit being totally gay, experimental, LUG (thats lesbian until graduation by the way), and my all time favorite usually goes something like, "wow, so you'll do everyone and anyone then right?!"
Well anyways, Im getting off track, the point is that Im really worried that Im causing this rift between us. I feel like I need to find myself but Im lost and now I dont know what to do, but I feel like something isnt right...