My cats are commies and they won't let me sleep.
Not sure how those two are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's probably the total lack of sleep, but, I'm feelin' down today. My server went down (the shell company updated stuff and it fucked up) and there's nothing I can do about it, and I feel like I'm a pushover.
Why is that? Why is it that I'm not more aggressive about the things I want? I'm always so damn worried if I've pissed someone off, or if I'm being naggy. I don't want to be that chick that wants all the attention, but I do want some attention damnit! Meh, I'm probably pms'ing, but I can't help it. I feel ignored. Not by the hubby, mind you, but in general.
It also bothers me that I haven't kept up with my friends. One of them recently came to me with some serious issues, and I'm glad she came to me, but, all these things have happened in her life that I knew nothing about, and it just makes me step back and say to myself "Whoa, you totally haven't been there for her" and that sucks more ass than you know. Talking to her this past week has opened my eyes to how much alike we are. We've had a lot of the same experiences, and honestly, that makes me sad. I hate to know when people have lived a similar life to mine, because my life up until a couple years ago has been absolutely horrible. And now, talking to her, it's almost as if I'm looking back on my own life, as of probably 5 years ago. It seriously makes me want to just fly in and fix everything for her, because I know how much those times hurt, and how you can do almost nothing about it. I can't do that though, and that sucks too. She's being incredibly strong though, and I'm so very proud of her - she's handling it a lot better than I did.
I can still remember the morning I heard the news, the news that's similar to what she's going through (and I won't say what happened to protect her privacy). I spent the rest of the day throwing up and crying and getting as high as I possibly could because I just wanted to be numb to it. A week later, I stopped doing all drugs, which was good for me, but, during that week... my god. I think I went through close to a thousand dollars worth of drugs, which is pretty amazing since I got almost everything for free. I can barely remember anything that happened that week, but I'll always remember the pain of that news.
So now, I'll go back to being invisible, unless one of y'all has a good idea how to not be so invisible but to not be pushy either.
Be kind to each other, kids.
Call me!
Not sure how those two are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's probably the total lack of sleep, but, I'm feelin' down today. My server went down (the shell company updated stuff and it fucked up) and there's nothing I can do about it, and I feel like I'm a pushover.
Why is that? Why is it that I'm not more aggressive about the things I want? I'm always so damn worried if I've pissed someone off, or if I'm being naggy. I don't want to be that chick that wants all the attention, but I do want some attention damnit! Meh, I'm probably pms'ing, but I can't help it. I feel ignored. Not by the hubby, mind you, but in general.
It also bothers me that I haven't kept up with my friends. One of them recently came to me with some serious issues, and I'm glad she came to me, but, all these things have happened in her life that I knew nothing about, and it just makes me step back and say to myself "Whoa, you totally haven't been there for her" and that sucks more ass than you know. Talking to her this past week has opened my eyes to how much alike we are. We've had a lot of the same experiences, and honestly, that makes me sad. I hate to know when people have lived a similar life to mine, because my life up until a couple years ago has been absolutely horrible. And now, talking to her, it's almost as if I'm looking back on my own life, as of probably 5 years ago. It seriously makes me want to just fly in and fix everything for her, because I know how much those times hurt, and how you can do almost nothing about it. I can't do that though, and that sucks too. She's being incredibly strong though, and I'm so very proud of her - she's handling it a lot better than I did.
I can still remember the morning I heard the news, the news that's similar to what she's going through (and I won't say what happened to protect her privacy). I spent the rest of the day throwing up and crying and getting as high as I possibly could because I just wanted to be numb to it. A week later, I stopped doing all drugs, which was good for me, but, during that week... my god. I think I went through close to a thousand dollars worth of drugs, which is pretty amazing since I got almost everything for free. I can barely remember anything that happened that week, but I'll always remember the pain of that news.
So now, I'll go back to being invisible, unless one of y'all has a good idea how to not be so invisible but to not be pushy either.
Be kind to each other, kids.
Call me!
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
Hope it all goes ok for her and it doesn't bring back too many painful memories for you.
Big Geoff Hug.