Needless to say i am not a huge contributor on SG anymore i have really just all over the place lately and have not quite got it right yet i think . As most people from what i can tell are just like me " trying to figure out where they fit in" and what the hell to do with there lives and the choices they have and are possibly about to make in the future. It always seems like that no matter what i do in any situation i tend to bounce around and be as inconsistent as possible making it impossible to start any major progress with meeting new people and starting new relationships. I guess constantly moving is not a bad thing i have always been a vagabond at heart and honestly do not know how i would survive if i had to work the same boring job to pay for a mortgage on house i probably hate in the long run.
I really cant say if there is even a point to what i am writing really i am just noticing similar cycles of behaviour over the past couple years with no real manifest of why i am acting this way it is almost like it has become instinct to be alone and work towards full sustainability and a minimal lifestyle where i have the utmost control of everything and not leaving any issue left to anyone else to worry about, no that i think about it a little bit more the whole idea of having to rely on some else sort of baffles me a bit since i have only had one major relationship where it sort of happened and even growing up i constantly pushed myself not to need anyone around to support me. Maybe i am digging to deep into my own actions and analyzing the little actions to much either way i cant really say i have moved ahead in life i still the same issues of having a good job, a roof over my head and what direction i truly want to go in and in the end it comes out to the answer i had in school when teachers asked us " what do you want to be when you grow up" i always had one answer and it was "happy" .