I have to apologize because I have no movies to discuss or rant about today. Instead I am having a down spell and want to vent a little.
I sometimes wonder why I even try and hold thoughts that I may ever get back together with my ex. These thoughts that poisen my everyday thought patterns. The "Oh yeah's" and the "she's coming's" that float in and out of my minds landscape. They taunt me like little pygmies herding a Tiger.
They have all but become a distant memory as of late due to my schedule and new interests in my life but they are still there. Hiding as if to jump out and grab me like an old woman in the subway. I usually avoid them and can go about my day in reletive peace but somedays they still have potency. Today is one of those days. I just knew it when I woke up.
For the past week she has been writing me. Her new boyfriend is a Marine reservist. Now if we refresh our memories (or if you are just joining us) she broke up with me due to my 6 week obligation to the Stuntschool. Said she couldn't hack that time away and needed a stable relationship. Ok I can dig that. Sure. But Mr Armchair commando is gone more than that. Now fast forward to 4 days ago and my friend who still works with said ex, tells me that the weekend warrior has been called to Afghanistan. Now what's funny bout all this is that I said, not 2 weeks ago that it would be funny if that happened. Now it has. Are prayers answred in that fashion ffor someone who doesn't go to church? Am I supposed to feel bad about that. In a way I do. It's isn't his fault that this happened. Why should I hate him?
Now my dilemma. She is starting to e-mail me again. I know that he is leaving for at least 6 months but does she know I know? I can't say. I don't want to say anything but in a way I do. But then my friend would get the cold finger. Now if she can't deal with time apart then she should be dumping GI goofy. But I don't think she is. Now that hurts more than anything.
So after rambling like a machine gun, here's my question? If she comes back what do I do? I mean, this is the one I have been chasing after for a year now. The one who repeatedly slammed the door on every advance or attempt to work things out. Should I take her back (if that is what she is getting at, who knows ) or should I slame the door on her? Do I look at it as I am her fallback plan or do I look at it as her realizing that we were meant to be? That is a strange moral dilemma to face. My heart says the latter but my brain says the former. Who do I listen too and who do I fool and lie too.
Is there life after death, can you really start over, or is the old saying in The Crow fitting this situation. "There ain't no coming back"............Maybe T-bird was right.
Maybe there ain't no coming back.
Who knows.
I sometimes wonder why I even try and hold thoughts that I may ever get back together with my ex. These thoughts that poisen my everyday thought patterns. The "Oh yeah's" and the "she's coming's" that float in and out of my minds landscape. They taunt me like little pygmies herding a Tiger.
They have all but become a distant memory as of late due to my schedule and new interests in my life but they are still there. Hiding as if to jump out and grab me like an old woman in the subway. I usually avoid them and can go about my day in reletive peace but somedays they still have potency. Today is one of those days. I just knew it when I woke up.
For the past week she has been writing me. Her new boyfriend is a Marine reservist. Now if we refresh our memories (or if you are just joining us) she broke up with me due to my 6 week obligation to the Stuntschool. Said she couldn't hack that time away and needed a stable relationship. Ok I can dig that. Sure. But Mr Armchair commando is gone more than that. Now fast forward to 4 days ago and my friend who still works with said ex, tells me that the weekend warrior has been called to Afghanistan. Now what's funny bout all this is that I said, not 2 weeks ago that it would be funny if that happened. Now it has. Are prayers answred in that fashion ffor someone who doesn't go to church? Am I supposed to feel bad about that. In a way I do. It's isn't his fault that this happened. Why should I hate him?
Now my dilemma. She is starting to e-mail me again. I know that he is leaving for at least 6 months but does she know I know? I can't say. I don't want to say anything but in a way I do. But then my friend would get the cold finger. Now if she can't deal with time apart then she should be dumping GI goofy. But I don't think she is. Now that hurts more than anything.
So after rambling like a machine gun, here's my question? If she comes back what do I do? I mean, this is the one I have been chasing after for a year now. The one who repeatedly slammed the door on every advance or attempt to work things out. Should I take her back (if that is what she is getting at, who knows ) or should I slame the door on her? Do I look at it as I am her fallback plan or do I look at it as her realizing that we were meant to be? That is a strange moral dilemma to face. My heart says the latter but my brain says the former. Who do I listen too and who do I fool and lie too.
Is there life after death, can you really start over, or is the old saying in The Crow fitting this situation. "There ain't no coming back"............Maybe T-bird was right.
Maybe there ain't no coming back.
Who knows.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
slam that door and deadbolt it. the girl has about as much clarity as a mud puddle. she sounds confused as all fuck to me. she dumped you, and now that she's getting lonely, suddenly she's your best friend. i don't mean this to sound harsh, but it doesn't sound like she truly loves you. it sounds like she can't handle being alone. do you want to be in relationshiip with that? she's treated you like crap for eons now. and don't fall for her being all sweet now. that's her lonliness talking. it's so tough with rejection, because it hooks you into wanting to right it with the person who hurt you.
i know your heart hurts, but you deserve better.
Lots of folks are going to be there.
xo